Wedding Recap A - D
Wedding Recap E - H
Wedding Recap I - K
Last Name: I am keeping my last name. This created some tension between me and Shawn. Shawn's argument for why I should change my name was that it's "what people do." He's a "traditional guy" and thus expects his wife to have the same last name as him. He feels like getting married makes us a "family" and how can we be a family with different last names?
When do I ever do anything because it's "what people do?"
Define "traditional" - is it traditional that we lived together for over two years before getting married? You can't play the traditional card only when it's convenient to you.
If having the same last name is so important to you, why don't you take my last name? Or why don't we blend our names together? Or come up with a whole new last name (like Kickass. Hi, I'm Hillary Kickass and this is my husband, Shawn Kickass.)
Here's the thing, I don't see the point in changing my last name. It doesn't make me any more married to Shawn, it doesn't mean I love him more than if I don't change my name, it doesn't make our marriage more likely to last. I feel like it's an antiquated ritual that holds no importance in my life. This is also why I didn't have my father walk me down the aisle and "give me away" - I had both parents walk me down the aisle and there was no "who gives this woman to this man" stuff when we reached the end.
Besides all that, I actually like my name. My last name is not common - I have never met another person (not related to me) with the same name. It's unique, it goes well with my first name, and it's mine. My identity is not determined by my name but I feel (perhaps irrationally) that changing my name somehow changes my identity.
If Shawn could come up with an argument more compelling than "it's what everyone else does," I would consider it. He hasn't though, so the situation remains the same. My perception of the situation is that Shawn feels like I should have his last name because that is what society expects. Shawn's perception of the situation is that I'm not changing my last name because I'm stubborn and I feel like I shouldn't have to change my name if he's not.
We've reached a ceasefire. Shawn can't force me to take his name. I can't force him to understand my view. It's not an ongoing argument, it's just one of those "agree to disagree" scenarios. I'm not militant about my choice - people have referred to me as "Mrs. Shawn's last name" and it doesn't bother me at all. I'm just not legally changing my name.
The only argument I heard that made sense to me was from a friend. She took her husband's last name so that she would have the same last name as her children. If we ever have kids, I could see myself changing my name to match theirs. That's the beauty of it though, I don't need to decide right now. There's no rule that says that I can't change my name later if that's what I decide.
Disclaimer: I just want to clarify that when I say things like "it's an antiquated ritual that holds no importance," I'm not judging other people who choose a different path than mine. When I mock heart-shaped whisks or say that I didn't want my father to "give me away," I'm just saying that those things aren't right for me. I don't want to offend anyone with my babbling, so if I've worded something harshly or come across as a moody cow, I apologize. Variety is the spice of life and I fully support everyone's right to choose what is right for them.