You Are Going To Find A Way To Fix What's Broken

Last night Shawn met me downtown after work so we could pick up our costumes for the "white trash" party we're going to tonight. It's the birthday party of a close friend of Shawn's, so instead of trying to explain how offensive it is to be having a white trash party, I'm just shutting up and going along with it. The thing is, this friend is a little WT anyway. We were over there a few weeks ago, having a few beers on his patio. When you finish your beer? You throw the can over the railing into the yard.

So we get our supplies (yes, I will be posting pictures tomorrow) and decide to get hot dogs from a street vendor. We were both hungry and didn't feel like bothering with the Friday night crowd at a restaurant. So street meat it was. And it was fabulous.

We came home and decided to open a bottle of champagne. Because hot dogs and champagne are a good combo. Don't judge. The thing is, once you open a bottle of champagne you have to drink the entire bottle of champagne. Which we did. Which led to Shawn spilling a glass on the bed (and Stella, who was lying on the bed.) So I drunkenly tried to bathe Stella, which did not go well, while Shawn decided to order a pizza. After the disaster that was Stella's bath, I decided we needed more beverages. I grabbed the vodka out of the freezer and turned back to the counter. I didn't slam the freezer door but I kind of nudged it closed as I turned around. So I didn't see the bottle of wine that was precariously balanced on top of the fridge start to tip when the freezer door made contact. The bottle of (red) wine fell from the top of the fridge straight down onto the kitchen floor (ceramic tile) and shattered. It was the biggest mess I have ever been responsible for. So Shawn and I are picking up the glass and mopping up the wine and the freaking pizza arrives. Awesome. Shawn deals with the pizza man while I try to sop up the wine from the tile grout. The tile grout that I painstakingly applied sealant to last summer. Sealant that clearly did not work, as the tile grout is now stained a deep purple. Only in areas where the wine hit though, so right now we have multi-coloured tile grout. It looks like I will be painstakingly applying red wine to the tile grout this summer. Is this a bad idea? Because I'm not kidding - that's the only solution I can think of so far. Admittedly, I've only tried to think of a solution when I've been either a: drunk or b: hungover, so something may come to me when my head is feeling a bit more clear.

We eat our (cold) pizza and drink our beverages and the night is looking up again when Shawn walks into the den and knocks a picture off the wall, sending it crashing to the den floor to shatter in a million pieces.

And then we go to bed.

This morning my head huts, my feet and fingertips are covered in tiny cuts, my kitchen floor is a different colour than it was yesterday morning, there are wine-stained rags in a heap on my balcony and my condo (and dog) smell like a winery. I think the universe is trying to tell me something, I just can't figure out what.