Thursday, 20 November 2008

When It's Just Me And She You Know It's Never Precarious But Sharing With Your Buddies Is Hilarious

Because if I'm tired of complaining about being sick you surely must be tired of reading about it, I give you:

Google Searches That Have Brought People To My Blog

I use site meter to satisfy my curiosity about who visits my blog. I use the free edition so I don't have access to extensive information, but I do get to see the random google searches that have directed people to my blog. After writing about getting dosed with GHB at a bar, I started to get really disturbing google searches (people wanting information on how to make GHB, people wanting to view videos of men having sex with women who have been dosed with GHB, etc.) so I stopped checking site meter to prevent my head from melting. I've since decided, however, that the amusement I get from non-offensive google searches outweighs the anger I feel at the realization that the world is full of shitty people who search for shitty information on shitty illegal drugs used to assault women. I just need to filter.

In the last month, the following google searches have brought people to my blog:

'how to get drunk and not vomit'

'wiggling inside puppy stomach'

'I get drunk most every night'

'is black rum good for health'

'does cold weather make it harder to get drunk'

'sound you make when you sneeze'

'you're about as reliable as a'

'can you use pork chops to make pulled pork'

and my personal favourite: 'moose tits graffiti'

Do you monitor the google searches that direct people to your blog? What is the best search that has directed someone to your blog?


  1. I went and looked at my Google searches after reading this post. They were all pretty boring, and mostly for the Brand New lyrics I had posted last week as my post title. I take a peek every once in awhile.

  2. LOL - that is awesome! I think I have a limit on how you can find my blog. The only searches have been for my blog's title, so that's pretty boring.

  3. My favorites are either:

    "what mythical creature truly are you"

    "mythical creature birthday cakes"

    "picture of someone doing a little dance"


    "who the hell is norma"

    But in all seriousness... who the hell IS Norma?

  4. I mostly get stuff to do with coffee and cafe. Go figure.

    I did get one that was "i'm really hairy." I had to go back and search to see where that appeared and I found it in the comments section of one of my posts. Weird.

  5. I love this! A long time ago I wrote a post about my boobs and how I enjoyed their smallness. Suddenly I was getting all these clicks from some blog called "Tiny Titties" or something like that. I thought it must be some kind of feminist blog that linked to that post, but it turned out it was this really creepy blog about girls with small boobs (dirty photos included) and the guy had added me to his blog roll!!! It upped my reader count by around 60 hits a day, though, so I didn't mind too much. Ha!

  6. My Blog title has both the word voyeur and whore in'd be alarmed at the crowd that attracts...

  7. Those are amazing searches! I've gotten "tame afro" and i still don't know how/why. I'll take it though!

  8. yipes. here's what people used to find me.
    thematic perception test
    ugliest cinderella in the world
    did albert bandura die?
    matches sex
    i hope my kids like marilyn manson
    carl gustav jung homosexuals
    he fondled my drunk wife while they danc
    "sing along with me" oasis

  9. Awesome post. Here are some of my fave's:

    tighty whitey
    vail sucks shirt
    molester glasses
    (the next one makes me feel uber-good)
    "dumb dan" fail

  10. I get a lot of hits from "I don't know nothing about birthing no babies Miss Scarlett" (or some variation) (because I used that as a blog post title a few years ago) and "no fingers" because one time I wrote about a guy with no fingers. Oh, and I also wrote about the commercial with the guinea pig eats the guy's kidney. People still search for that.

    Most of my searches are for the word pantalones, which I guess makes sense.

  11. I get the most number of hits from "kohlburg and Zimbardo"...damn the psychologist in me

  12. Moose Tits Graffiti??

    Holy Mother---Screw "2 L's Please"--I'm christening your blog "Moose Tits Graffiti"--that can be your blogs married name.

    Seriously Hills--this made my year. AWESOME.

  13. ass demotivators

    superbowl commercial charging battery with nipples

    jockstrap survey

    old ass crack

    nasty moms

    how to speak to woman you love


    To learn how to get drunk I will definately go back and read your archives. HAHAHAHA.

    We do get all sorts of funny google searches. The scary one was that one of our full names popped up. We don't know how.

    Anyways, we will do a post like this to show you some of our funny ones soon. Thanks for sharing.

  15. i'm an idiot. i meant to say so much more than just my search terms there.

    moose tits graffiti made me guffaw just a little bit.

  16. oh and my word verification? feards.

    here's a definition: a really scary-looking mass of facial hair on a rather unkempt looking gentleman.

    "mom! look at that man's feard! i'm SCARED, mommy... is he homeless??"

  17. Most are for "smell the glove", but there's a healthy amount of "litrotica" and "Chris Brown", too.

    Also, "Aine O'Hare Halifax". I have stalkers, apparently.

  18. Wow, you've got some random ones. My favorite has to be "moose tits graffiti." Awesome!

    My 2nd highest search term is penis. I think it comes from when I talked about my bach party weekend and the funny straws.