Wednesday, 6 August 2008

I'd Like To Make A Quick Toast

Mmmmmmmm kay? We've been in our new house for a month, maybe he's toasting that. Or maybe, he's just welcoming my cousin who had just arrived for a visit. Maybe he's toasting the new puppy who has been with us for two weeks? I had no idea but my Dad is very good at making toasts so I was looking forward to it. His toast for my graduation last fall actually provided a new name and direction for my blog, No Ordinary Rollercoaster.

So there we sat. The newf (my nontraditional significant other), my parents and brother, and our a few of our favourite relatives. I was mid-chew of a veggie burger, ketchup threatening to drool down the side of my face when he dropped this bomb:

"Today marks an entire year that Ben and the newf have been living together..."

Super. Who cares?

"...making them legally and officially...common-law married."

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa now. The newf and I exchanged stunned looks. While we have talked about the prospects of having a big gay marriage someday and we're both very committed (a mortgage and two puppies will do that to the best of us) - you need to prepare a guy for the: "Guess what? YOU'RE MARRIED!" toast. At least with a wedding, there's so much build-up that by the time you get there, you're so sick of hearing about it that's it's more like, FINE. Just do the damn thing already! But common-law? That sneaks up on you. Oh - and it doesn't come with an open bar.

We went on with the evening with drinks all round but it wasn't until after the relatives left that I realized that the newf was drunk. This is generally a bad scene since he gets rude-funny when drinking. When there's no one else around? Yeah, it's basically just me and my own crowd of hecklers all in one person. But not this night...

"Let's have a first dance...like at a wedding..."

"Oh dear Jesus..."

"C'mooooooon..."

"You're drunk."

"I will be on our wedding night too so you better get over that."

"..."

"Yay! I'll get a song ready! How about I Hope You Dance? High-five for marriage!"

I chugged my beer in about three seconds flat to try to even the playing field and returned to the kitchen - I mean - our romantic dancefloor. I waited for "the song I'm going to sing to you at our real wedding". Please note: the newf is both tone-deaf and not tied down by things like rhythm, pace or lyrics. I knew it'd be better to just give him a dance and be done with it so I could go to bed at a decent hour.

The newf flashes a mischievous grin and presses play.

The first song? Disturbia, followed by I'm Too Sexy, The Naughty Song, Larger Than Life, and a series of random club bangers for just the two of us, drunk by ourselves, dancing in our kitchen on a Thursday night.

Yeah...I can be married to that.

16 comments:

  1. I think it's funny you posted about this as I was just talking to MrB about common law marriage, which he thought was crazy, but I guess we kind of are!

    Of course, I'm not letting him off the hook that easy. There will be booze at our wedding :)

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  2. I expect that "Disturbia" will be your first dance at the wedding too, right? Newf sounds pretty hilarious.

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  3. My boyfriend and I joking had the "what would our first dance be" talk. I think, together, we came up with "Thriller," "I'm Too Sexy," "Redneck Woman," And "Love in the Club."

    Clearly, we're not taking this whole "First dance" thing too seriously.

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  4. What a perfect post for a Hillary's wedding! Hilarious! I'm going to remember this for my brother and his newf.

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  5. LOVE it. Well, except for the Rhianna part. Not a fan but still, LOVE it.

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  6. Ahahaha. The newf sounds awesomely ridiculous. Congrats on being married...?

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  7. "I Hope You Dance! High-five for marriage!!" Newf sounds awesome :)

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  8. MissB: Yeah...being married without the party and booze-hounding is an awful let-down. We'll be reconciling that in a year or two, no doubt.

    Maxie: I think we'll walk down the aisle to that, no?

    Lauren: It's official. A joint-wedding is in order.

    Nilsa: I was so screwed for a good guest post then this happened the night before my deadline haha thanks fate!

    Jamie: I'm sorry. I will consult you before our next dance performance :)

    Arielle: Thanks, I suppose? haha

    TheOverThinker: He likes to think so...

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  9. So should I live a comment here or over at your blog, The Over-Thinker?

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  10. sounds like my kind of wedding songs :)

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  11. Haha, I LOVE it! Congrats, y'all!

    Your newf sounds like my boy with the lack of rhythm, pace and correct tone. You gotta still love 'em, though...

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  12. That was an awesome story, and it was so cute/sweet. I'm super stressed out, but it totally made me smile! Yay for finding amazing significant others!

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  13. I got a little buzzed at happy hour tonight with some friends. Which was fine, only the honey decided to cut me off from the alcohol once I cracked a vagina joke. He's so sensible like that.

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  14. thats awesome! well...congrats!

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  15. Meg: We're rad kind of people. Okay, we're lame. But let's pretend.

    Thomas: I don't think you're talking to me... but HI!

    Katelin: I'm trying to figure out how I could invite the entire blogosphere...stay tuned

    EP: Absolutely. If I wanted to date an American Idol...I would. Maybe. If Kelly Clarkson were free.

    Lifeintheleftlane: Aww sorry for the stress!

    Phil: Would I cut the newf off if I could? YES.

    Nate: Merci and be warned of the sneaky commonlaw marriage!

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