I Need No Protection From My Bullet-proof Plan

I am such a slacker. The wedding was a week ago and I had Big! Plans! for an awesome recap and instead I've been lazy. Not only have I not been blogging, I haven't been reading blogs either. Which means that my google reader yells at me every time I open it. So I immediately close it and pretend that it doesn't exist. I am getting closer to hitting the magic "mark everything as read" button. Sorry.

So instead of the Spectacular Wedding Recap, you will get bullet points. You will get bullet points and you will like it, buster. There are starving kids in Africa who would loooove to get bullet points and all you do is sit there and complain about how bullet points are boring and taste yucky. Ingrate.

(If any of these bullet points sound intriguing, you can request a real blog post about it and maybe one day I'll elaborate. Or maybe I'll leave you hanging. That's how I roll.)

Things I learned last week:

- making 30 dozen chocolate chip cookies 2 days before your wedding is ridiculous. Even when your big sister helps you.

- when you book a 60 minute massage, more than just your back will be massaged. Which means that you should probably shave your legs unless you want to feel like a gorilla.

- Shawn does not belong in a spa.

- some people cannot be trusted to show up on time. Even when you've told them exactly what time they need to be at your house for the make-up lady you've booked (and are footing the bill for.) In the future, whenever you need those tardy individuals to be somewhere on time, lie about the start-time to create a buffer. If this circumstance is any indication, the buffer should be at least 40 minutes.

- going to your grandma's retirement community before the ceremony to take some pictures is a sweet idea. It's also an f-ing time sucker, which will make you late for everything else. The pictures though, will make it worth it.

left to right: Turtle, Grandma, Westy, moi, Mom, Dad, Bow

Grandma's body may be twisted but she can out-snark anyone

- taking wedding photos in Stanley Park on a sunny holiday Monday is pretty much the worst idea ever. Especially when you have 3 cars of people you have to co-ordinate and find parking for.

- Angella is funny and nice and not scary at all. Also? She can drive a manual car when everyone else is wearing either a giant dress or high heels.

- eating a chocolate chip cookie right before the ceremony = bad idea.

- Tide To Go pens will remove melted chocolate from your wedding dress. Seriously.

- I don't care what anyone says - corn is classy.

- Jalapeno poppers are now a requirement of my life. I would like to eat them every day, please.

- Doing tequila shots at your wedding may seem like a fun thing to do but really? It's a stupid thing to do. Slurring your thank you speech is not classy.

Ok that's it. That's all I've got. I have a tonne of photos to post (and I should get Angella's photos this week so there will be even more.) Right now I am going to go watch the Olympics and die of this stupid summer cold I managed to catch.