Wednesday, 6 August 2008

I'd Like To Make A Quick Toast

Mmmmmmmm kay? We've been in our new house for a month, maybe he's toasting that. Or maybe, he's just welcoming my cousin who had just arrived for a visit. Maybe he's toasting the new puppy who has been with us for two weeks? I had no idea but my Dad is very good at making toasts so I was looking forward to it. His toast for my graduation last fall actually provided a new name and direction for my blog, No Ordinary Rollercoaster.

So there we sat. The newf (my nontraditional significant other), my parents and brother, and our a few of our favourite relatives. I was mid-chew of a veggie burger, ketchup threatening to drool down the side of my face when he dropped this bomb:

"Today marks an entire year that Ben and the newf have been living together..."

Super. Who cares?

"...making them legally and officially...common-law married."

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaa now. The newf and I exchanged stunned looks. While we have talked about the prospects of having a big gay marriage someday and we're both very committed (a mortgage and two puppies will do that to the best of us) - you need to prepare a guy for the: "Guess what? YOU'RE MARRIED!" toast. At least with a wedding, there's so much build-up that by the time you get there, you're so sick of hearing about it that's it's more like, FINE. Just do the damn thing already! But common-law? That sneaks up on you. Oh - and it doesn't come with an open bar.

We went on with the evening with drinks all round but it wasn't until after the relatives left that I realized that the newf was drunk. This is generally a bad scene since he gets rude-funny when drinking. When there's no one else around? Yeah, it's basically just me and my own crowd of hecklers all in one person. But not this night...

"Let's have a first at a wedding..."

"Oh dear Jesus..."


"You're drunk."

"I will be on our wedding night too so you better get over that."


"Yay! I'll get a song ready! How about I Hope You Dance? High-five for marriage!"

I chugged my beer in about three seconds flat to try to even the playing field and returned to the kitchen - I mean - our romantic dancefloor. I waited for "the song I'm going to sing to you at our real wedding". Please note: the newf is both tone-deaf and not tied down by things like rhythm, pace or lyrics. I knew it'd be better to just give him a dance and be done with it so I could go to bed at a decent hour.

The newf flashes a mischievous grin and presses play.

The first song? Disturbia, followed by I'm Too Sexy, The Naughty Song, Larger Than Life, and a series of random club bangers for just the two of us, drunk by ourselves, dancing in our kitchen on a Thursday night.

Yeah...I can be married to that.


  1. I think it's funny you posted about this as I was just talking to MrB about common law marriage, which he thought was crazy, but I guess we kind of are!

    Of course, I'm not letting him off the hook that easy. There will be booze at our wedding :)

  2. I expect that "Disturbia" will be your first dance at the wedding too, right? Newf sounds pretty hilarious.

  3. My boyfriend and I joking had the "what would our first dance be" talk. I think, together, we came up with "Thriller," "I'm Too Sexy," "Redneck Woman," And "Love in the Club."

    Clearly, we're not taking this whole "First dance" thing too seriously.

  4. What a perfect post for a Hillary's wedding! Hilarious! I'm going to remember this for my brother and his newf.

  5. LOVE it. Well, except for the Rhianna part. Not a fan but still, LOVE it.

  6. Ahahaha. The newf sounds awesomely ridiculous. Congrats on being married...?

  7. "I Hope You Dance! High-five for marriage!!" Newf sounds awesome :)

  8. MissB: Yeah...being married without the party and booze-hounding is an awful let-down. We'll be reconciling that in a year or two, no doubt.

    Maxie: I think we'll walk down the aisle to that, no?

    Lauren: It's official. A joint-wedding is in order.

    Nilsa: I was so screwed for a good guest post then this happened the night before my deadline haha thanks fate!

    Jamie: I'm sorry. I will consult you before our next dance performance :)

    Arielle: Thanks, I suppose? haha

    TheOverThinker: He likes to think so...

    So rad.

  10. So should I live a comment here or over at your blog, The Over-Thinker?

  11. sounds like my kind of wedding songs :)

  12. Haha, I LOVE it! Congrats, y'all!

    Your newf sounds like my boy with the lack of rhythm, pace and correct tone. You gotta still love 'em, though...

  13. That was an awesome story, and it was so cute/sweet. I'm super stressed out, but it totally made me smile! Yay for finding amazing significant others!

  14. I got a little buzzed at happy hour tonight with some friends. Which was fine, only the honey decided to cut me off from the alcohol once I cracked a vagina joke. He's so sensible like that.

  15. thats awesome! well...congrats!

  16. Meg: We're rad kind of people. Okay, we're lame. But let's pretend.

    Thomas: I don't think you're talking to me... but HI!

    Katelin: I'm trying to figure out how I could invite the entire blogosphere...stay tuned

    EP: Absolutely. If I wanted to date an American Idol...I would. Maybe. If Kelly Clarkson were free.

    Lifeintheleftlane: Aww sorry for the stress!

    Phil: Would I cut the newf off if I could? YES.

    Nate: Merci and be warned of the sneaky commonlaw marriage!