Monday, 12 January 2009

He Ain't Messing With No Two-Bit Bandit

This post could also be called "I Am So Fucking Relieved That I Did Not Resolve To Stop Swearing This Year."

I hate Mondays. I hate waking up early, I hate having to actually stay awake after waking up early, I hate going to work instead of staying at home and playing with the puppies.

This Monday was no exception. I woke up grumpy. I didn't get a seat on the train. I got a really fucking obnoxious email from a vendor that concluded with "Good luck - they say learning something new keeps you young!"

Monday was kicking my ass.

Things started to look up after Angella informed me that I won her itunes contest. Instead of Monday kicking my ass, I was kicking Monday's ass. I even posted about it on Twitter.

Within twenty minutes of posting, my bank called me to tell me that my account has been suspended due to "suspicious activity" and could I please come in to resolve the matter. Lesson learned: do not taunt Monday.

I went to my bank and learned that my chequing account was emptied this morning. Completely emptied. Like, there is zero dollars and zero cents left in my chequing account. Not only that, but I had just transferred my fucking car payment into my chequing account. On top of that, the fucking bandit who did this used an abm at the branch I normally frequent (the one that is six fucking blocks from where I live) to empty my account so instead of just reimbursing me immediately (like they did the one other time this happened to me) the bank has to launch a full investigation. I can expect to hear from them in ten business days as to whether or not I can expect to see my money again.

The other time this happened to me, I had used a free-standing atm in a convenience store. It was obviously sketchy but I used it anyway. I was lucky because my account was drained from an atm in Alberta on the same day that I tried to withdraw money in Vancouver. I learned my lesson and started only using abms connected to my bank. I also rarely use my debit card. The woman who helped my file my fraud complaint today said that the only way my information could have been stolen (which is the only way my account could have been drained seeing as my actual debit card was not stolen) is through an altered debit machine. I have used my debit card twice in the last few weeks, both at businesses directly across the street from my building. Those businesses can expect a strongly-worded letter from me, which will be copied to the police and my bank. I will wait to write those letters until I'm less shouty. To say that I am fucking livid would be putting it mildly.

The situation is not as grim as it could have been. My savings account is only accessible online, so even though my chequing account was drained, my savings remained untouched and I have enough in my savings to cover my car payment. The bank lady said she is almost certain I will get my money back as soon as the investigators pull the images from the abm camera and match it to the time my account was emptied. Unless the person who accessed my account looks like me, I should be fine. But you know what? I don't want to fucking acknowledge that I'm lucky right now. I'm just so fucking annoyed. Right now I want to swear a lot and pout and rant about the douchemonkey who stole my money.


  1. Some fucker went after my bank account too. These people need to get smashed in the head by a shovel.

  2. Oh my God...I'm so sorry lady. You have every right to swear and pout and yell and be angry. Be very, very angry! I hope they catch the SOB who did this to you and I hope you get your money back in your checking account ASAP.

  3. This happened with scary frequency when I used to work in a bank (not every day, but often enough to make me stop using my debit card to pay at restaurants). Maybe we need those computer chips like they have in credit cards in Europe?

    At any rate, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I will cut the douchemonkey's brake line. Just say the word.

  4. Oh Hillary - this is awful! And that it has happened before?! What the flux??

    Mister's sister has had her identity stolen before, so I'm familiar with the inconvenience - and I hope they find the person pronto.

    And that they let you get at least a couple punches in.


    That so sucks; I'm sorry.

  6. a) dude. this is SO FUCKING SHITTY. i am so sorry. curse up a fucking storm, because JESUS FRACKING NUTS ON A CRACKER, you deserve to be pissed.

    b) douchemonkey is a freaking brilliant term. love.

  7. Forking asshead.
    I will kick them right in the balls (or uterus) for you.
    But this post made me go change my info with the bank...since I moved a month ago.

  8. AY! Feel free to get swearing on...

  9. I think you should take a day off work and just watch the people that go to the ATM you went to, if some prick comes up 2 or 3 times. You kick him/her in the nuts/vagina--hard.

    Glad to hear your bank isn't as stupid as mine...I lost $3,000 to my particular scam artist... Bastards

    fucking bastards

  10. Well it looks like your week can only get better from here. That's one way to look at an ugly Monday. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this gets settled quick and painlessly. I'm amazed that this has happened to you twice! I've never heard of it happening to any of my friends here in the U.S.


  11. Dude that SUCKS. I hope you get your money back asap. Luckily I've never been robbed b/c my bank account always has 0.0 dollars.

  12. THE HELL???

    That sucks, Hillary. I hope they catch the bastard.

  13. duuuuuuuuuuude. way shitty. i'll float you a loan if you need it. i think the exchange rate is good right now, too. fucking lame day. xoxo

  14. OHMYGOD I would be PISSED! You are allowed to swear!

  15. Oh gosh, that's horrible! I hope they catch him and you get your money and he gets jail.

    But congrats on the contest!

  16. seriously, people just suck big hairy balls. i don't understand how people can do this and not feel terribly guilty.

    i've had my identity stolen before and six years later, i'm still trying to get it off of my credit report. wtf.

    i hope this all gets resolved soon. :(

  17. I think you have every right to throw a hissy fit. That is insane and unfair.

  18. Crappy deal, I hope they catch them and you get your money back and the bank will give you more money on top just for the inconvienence. K, the last part may be wishful thinking.

  19. I'm not sure how it is in Canada, but here in the states I've come to believe that you're way safer with a credit card than a bank debit card, so I don't even have a debit card anymore. Basically, I found there's more risk of someone wiping my bank account out like that than I am at risk of my credit card being blown up. And apparently down here you're more likely to not be held responsible by a credit card company... and banks often don't give you your money back. Crazy!

  20. That sucks balls! I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope they catch the asshat who took your money.

    Isn't there some kind of ATM limit that doesn't allow more than $250 to be deducted from one account in a day? I think that's what my bank does, but what do I know.

    Good luck!