He Ain't Messing With No Two-Bit Bandit

This post could also be called "I Am So Fucking Relieved That I Did Not Resolve To Stop Swearing This Year."

I hate Mondays. I hate waking up early, I hate having to actually stay awake after waking up early, I hate going to work instead of staying at home and playing with the puppies.

This Monday was no exception. I woke up grumpy. I didn't get a seat on the train. I got a really fucking obnoxious email from a vendor that concluded with "Good luck - they say learning something new keeps you young!"

Monday was kicking my ass.

Things started to look up after Angella informed me that I won her itunes contest. Instead of Monday kicking my ass, I was kicking Monday's ass. I even posted about it on Twitter.

Within twenty minutes of posting, my bank called me to tell me that my account has been suspended due to "suspicious activity" and could I please come in to resolve the matter. Lesson learned: do not taunt Monday.

I went to my bank and learned that my chequing account was emptied this morning. Completely emptied. Like, there is zero dollars and zero cents left in my chequing account. Not only that, but I had just transferred my fucking car payment into my chequing account. On top of that, the fucking bandit who did this used an abm at the branch I normally frequent (the one that is six fucking blocks from where I live) to empty my account so instead of just reimbursing me immediately (like they did the one other time this happened to me) the bank has to launch a full investigation. I can expect to hear from them in ten business days as to whether or not I can expect to see my money again.

The other time this happened to me, I had used a free-standing atm in a convenience store. It was obviously sketchy but I used it anyway. I was lucky because my account was drained from an atm in Alberta on the same day that I tried to withdraw money in Vancouver. I learned my lesson and started only using abms connected to my bank. I also rarely use my debit card. The woman who helped my file my fraud complaint today said that the only way my information could have been stolen (which is the only way my account could have been drained seeing as my actual debit card was not stolen) is through an altered debit machine. I have used my debit card twice in the last few weeks, both at businesses directly across the street from my building. Those businesses can expect a strongly-worded letter from me, which will be copied to the police and my bank. I will wait to write those letters until I'm less shouty. To say that I am fucking livid would be putting it mildly.

The situation is not as grim as it could have been. My savings account is only accessible online, so even though my chequing account was drained, my savings remained untouched and I have enough in my savings to cover my car payment. The bank lady said she is almost certain I will get my money back as soon as the investigators pull the images from the abm camera and match it to the time my account was emptied. Unless the person who accessed my account looks like me, I should be fine. But you know what? I don't want to fucking acknowledge that I'm lucky right now. I'm just so fucking annoyed. Right now I want to swear a lot and pout and rant about the douchemonkey who stole my money.