Back in October I wrote about why I need to find a new doctor. Receiving your supportive comments lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately, it also quelled the urgency of my search. I did attempt to find a new doctor but my efforts were both fruitless and halfhearted. I wasn't worrying about the situation anymore so it was very easy to push it to the back of my mind and forget about it.
I went to a walk-in clinic a few months ago when I was having the skin issues and the doctor who treated me was fabulous. She is not, unfortunately, accepting new patients but she did give me a refill prescription for my birth control. I have two months left until I enter the danger zone. Unless I want to end up with a baby (words can not express how deeply I DO NOT WANT a baby right now,) I need to find a new doctor.
My friends have been little help as they either a: hate their doctor but don't want to bother with finding a new one, b: don't have a doctor and only frequent walk-in clinics or c: have a doctor whose office is not easily accessible to me. I'm operating under the assumption that I should be able to find a doctor within easy travel distance of either my home or office. Silly me.
British Columbia has a website that lists physicians who are currently accepting new patients. You enter your search parameters (city, preferred gender, languages spoken, etc) and you are given the contact information of all the physicians that match your criteria and are accepting new patients. It's an extremely helpful tool but it's also really disheartening when you find out that there are six female doctors currently accepting patients and none of the six are in the city where you live or close to your office (note to website: users should be able to specify that they are searching for doctors in downtown Vancouver, not just Vancouver.)
So now I'm wondering if I'm pushing the "my doctor must be female!" thing too far. Do you require that your doctor be the same gender as you are? Are you comfortable with a doctor who isn't? My issue isn't with trust, it's with comfort. Somehow I can't see myself being as comfortable talking about lady bits with someone who does not possess them. It's like taking your car to a mechanic who doesn't own a car. Sure he's studied cars, he's looked at pictures of cars, he's seen cars in real life, he's driven cars - the thing is, he doesn't own a car. He never will own a car. He doesn't know what owning a car feels like. Do you trust your car to this mechanic?
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You should do what I do. Have an uncle who is a mechanic.
ReplyDeleteI have genuinely found myself more comfortable with woman doctors and more open to talk as well. Sorry I can't be of more help but I'd totally recommend my NYC doctor.
ReplyDeleteWhile my ob-gyn is female, it's not required. My doctor was out on medical leave during part of my pregnancy, and I had to see another doctor in the practice, a male. He also actually delivered my son. No big deal.
ReplyDeleteMy doctor must absolutely be female. I've seen a male doctor about a minor issue before, but my primary doctor (and especially the one who deals with lady parts) has to be female. I don't think I could ever be comfortable with a man poking around down there... there's just no way he can really get it ya know?
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ReplyDeleteI'm totally cool with my general practitioner being male, but my ob/gyn must be female, and for the exact reasons you stated. How he can really relate with out living it personally?
ReplyDeleteI've seen male & female doctors - because I think that getting in to see a doctor is the most important thing. I would be way more comfortable having a male family doctor than not having a family doctor at all.
ReplyDeleteAs for having a man examine you, I don't find it weird. It's their job, they have to know their shit to be there, and when I'm the car I just want to know that when I break down, someone I trust who is compassionate will be there to care.
I might have carried the car metaphor a little too far, but still lol
I can understand where you are coming from, but I've had both female and male "lady doctors" and I have to say, my current doctor (male) is one of the best doctors I've ever met. He truly takes the time to understand my problems and explains them to me until I am comfortable--he has even let me take a look through his microscope when I was convinced I had a yeast infection. (TMI?) I did not have a yeast infection. He showed me. Is that weird? I don't care! He's the bestest!
ReplyDeleteMy lady bit doctor is male. Whenever we change insurance I have to make sure that he can still be my doctor and I drive 45 minutes to see him; I will not go to anyone else. He has been my doctor through all of my health problems and did my hysto 7 years ago.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had my son I had a woman doctor and I HATED her.
I really thought I would have a problem having a male doctor but he's fabulous.
I've had good and bad experiences with male and female doctors.
ReplyDeleteFor me, having a female doctor is a comfort thing, and I've never had a male gyno. I think that if you're going for something routine, there shouldn't be any reason not to go to a male lady doctor. He may not have the parts, but he's studied them extensively, and works with them all day long, which is probably more important that having them. I mean, it's not like you can see your own cervix without a mirror.
I'm 99% convinced that a male gyno is no biggie. The other 1% is just a bit squeemish, although it wouldn't stop me from seeing one after exhausting all female doctor leads. My general doctor is an older male and I'm very comfortable with him. I've had to talk to him about some "bathing suit" area issues and, although I was a little embarrassed, he was nothing but professional.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, if you want your doctor to be a woman, then there you go.
ReplyDeletePick a doctor you can be comfortable with, not some doctor you will avoid. That is no good.
I have a male gyno currently. I only went to female ob-gyns for years and years, but my current doctor is seriously one of the better doctors I've ever seen. It *was* kind of weird at first during the actual exam, but he and his nurse do everything possible to make patients comfortable. And after the exam, he spends about 15-20 minutes really talking to his patients and discussing their health.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I've had female doctors really rush through exams and ignore my questions/concerns. It's almost like they have the attitude of "I have one of those myself, so therefore *I* know what's best for you."
I dunno. I could see a male or a female doctor. I would say you should go to a doctor you feel comfortable with.
One of the best ob/gyns I ever had was a male. He was compassionate, funny, and very good at his job.
ReplyDeleteMy roomate kind of "dates" her docs. Not in the real-world sense, but she'll find a doctor, go to them for a smaller issue just so that she gets to know them a little better and determine whether she wants them to get down in her lady parts.
My doctor is a female, but I go for her more for the tough love than for the fact that we both have the same stuff down there.
ReplyDeleteMy last doctor was a dude, and I actually liked him more. But maybe that's because he wasn't such a bitch.
I've had both male and female lady doctors, and honestly I like my male one better. With my female one I was a little more comfortable, but I felt like she never had time to speak with me. It was always rush, rush, rush. The male is a lot more interactive and actually will spend time with me before heading off to the next patient.
ReplyDeleteIf you find a good all around doctor, it prob won't matter in the end if they are male or female.
Wish you were living around here because I would recommend my doctor! And she is female. :)
ReplyDeleteBut to answer your question, I personally only feel comfortable with a female doctor when inspecting my lady bits. And I love my doctor. She makes me feel very comfortable.
Then again I know ladies who have been to male doctors and have no problem with it at all. What's really important is that you feel comfortable with the doctor.
Can the doctor you saw at the clinic refer you to someone? Maybe she knows another female doctor close by?
My current doctor is a male and I adore him. I drive 1.5hrs each way to see him. I've had female doctors that were fine but I remember one was hellish. She told me it was all in my head and that I was fat and liar and there was nothing wrong with me.
ReplyDeleteDid you think to ask that doctor you liked at the clinic if she had a referral for someone you might like?
Though I understand where you're coming from, I've found that I don't really mind either way. I mean, a lady doctor is going to know how to perform prostate checks and what to look for right? But, for me, I'm much more concerned with having a doctor than in whether or not they're male or female. Just cuz of the whole doctor shortage here and all...
ReplyDeleteMy favorite doctor is male. My brother and I once had a very serious discussion about how we would go on with life once our doctor retired (obviously this was not an ob/gyn). We brought our concerns to our doctor, who was kind enough not to laugh at us when we concluded our speech by telling him what year he needed to start training his replacement.
ReplyDeleteEventually my brother and I both wound up moving away from home, and cheating on that doctor with another doctor. We would actually call him and say "The new person says to do this; does that sound right to you?"
Can you go back to the lady not accepting new patients and ask if she can suggest someone? They all know each other.
I do know women that felt the way you did but then ended up trying a male OB/GYN and never went back and some that didn't like it. I guess my theory is it can't be worse than that horrible doctor you have now and you may even not mind.
ReplyDeleteI sleep with my current doctor
ReplyDeleteTo this day, my FAVORITE doctor is a man. Wait, did I mention he's my OBGYN? Yeah. I'm telling you, he's only a tad bit older than me (which means he'll be practicing for a long time to come), he has an amazing bedside manner and he's totally aware that he's treating patients who might be a tad bit uncomfortable with his gender (so, he offers to have a female nurse in the room any time he's doing an exam). Good doctors definitely exist on the other side of the gender spectrum. Good luck in your search!
ReplyDeleteI was the anonymous comment and you posted he, hehehe
ReplyDeletemy current doc is female and i don't think i'd really want it any other way. i'm pretty particular on things like that so i don't think you're pushing your needs for your doc to be a woman, i totally understand.
ReplyDeleteI have always had a woman doctor.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER.
With various emergencies with babies and whatnot, I have had male doctors check my lady bits.
To quote my friend who works in X-Ray, "If you've seen one ass, you've seen them all"
the best doctor I ever had was a male gyno and although I was nervous at first, I wouldn't hesitate to try out a male doctor again. However he was an older guy (late 50s) and that might have made it easier - I'd be less comfortable with a male doctor my age.
ReplyDeleteMy mother once had to see a bowel specialist - turns out he was one of her former students (she's a math teacher). He asked if she wanted a referral to someone else but she figured that since he was the smartest student she'd ever had, she'd be a fool not to stay as his patient.
I like my crotch doctor to be a lady. My regular doctor is a guy and that's awkward enough when he has to ask me about my period. He asked me FOUR times if I was super sure I wasn't pregnant. And then he made me clarify that I hadn't had sex in 9 months (not true, but I knew I wasn't pregnant).
ReplyDeleteAnyway-- I just feel more comfortable having a woman doctor.
i swear i left a comment here already, but i'm not seeing it. it was via my phone, so...that is probably what happened.
ReplyDeleteanyway. my current OB GYN is a lady and i like her a lot. she seems to be more gentle than the man i used to see. also, when i do have an appt with her, i only have to talk to her. i don't have to discuss any issues i'm having with my doctor AND his 20-yr-old medical assistant. men are always accompanied by a female assistant so they don't get sued for impropriety, yanno?
anyway. a man delivered both my babies - he was a family doctor. so he was also my kids' doctor, and that was really nice because we could all be seen in one visit.
Personally, I'm about skills and comfort. If the mechanic has never owned a car, but successfully worked on every make and model of cars, then I'd trust him if I had a good, immediate comfort level with them. Another idea, maybe you could schedule an appointment for something small and treat it as a meet and greet to get an idea if you liked the doctor or not?
ReplyDelete