Monday, 31 January 2011

I Am Wilful Your Insistence Is Tugging At The Best Of Me

I woke up Saturday morning and I couldn't move. My back has been bothering me lately; every day I feel a certain degree of pain and tightness in my lower back. Some days are better than others. Saturday was a bad day.

I stayed in bed and cuddled the puppies and considered watching movies all day, but then I started to think about how disappointed I would be if I didn't get the final coat of paint on the gorgeous turquoise accent wall before the bed was delivered. So I made myself get out of bed and I painted the wall.

And now I feel like I've been hit by a bus.

I have a really hard time admitting that I am unable to do something or that I need help. I am stubborn and wilful and tenacious. Sometimes these are my best qualities. Most of the time, these qualities contribute to me making stupid decisions.

I don't want to be coddled until the baby is born but maybe I need to learn to coddle myself. Or at least give myself a break every once in a while. Making smarter choices would prevent situations like this morning when I had to wake Shawn up to pull me out of bed because my back and legs weren't working. I thought I wouldn't need a hoist until I gained a significant amount of weight but we reached that depressing milestone today.


  1. Hope you start to feel better soon.
    Maybe look into pre-natal back massages?


  2. Owch :( Hope your back is feeling better soon!

  3. I don't know why it's so hard for us to realize it's OK to take it easy (and that WE NEED to take it easy) when we're all good and knocked up. My sister was trying to scrub the floors when she was 8 months pregnant, and I was all "YOU'RE PREGNANT. STOP IT." Aaaaand then 4 months later, I was doing the same dumb shit, and refusing to rest because I felt "lazy" (even though I was exhausted).

    So SIT DOWN AND REST, pregnant lady! Listen to your body. It'll tell you what you need.

  4. How many months are you? I had a lot of SI Joint pain starting around month 5 and I wasn't very big at all. What you describe sounds like it could be the same thing - if I even walked a little it felt like my whole lower back was going to lock up.

    E-mail if you want to talk more, I tried a bunch of stuff and eventually it went away.

    p.s. the open ID isn't working, I'm posting under an old google account.
    Current info:

  5. FEEL BETTER! I just found your blog, and i love it!!

  6. Yuck, that's rough. I am not good at slowing down when I am not feeling so well either. If anything, the worse I feel, the more I want to be doing things. Often I push myself beyond where I should and pay for it later.

    It's not easy, but learning to coddle yourself may be a very important tool. Especially when the baby arrives. Knowing your limits and when to ask for help may help you keep your sanity.

    I do hope you take it easy and feel better soon!

  7. I got sciatica with Nathan (but not the other two) at about 5 months pregnant. The culprit? Sitting in an office chair five days a week.

    I got a note from my Dr. and went on medical leave until he was born...and then still had my year of maternity leave.

    Just a thought, if it persists. Sitting is the WORST for backs.

    Take care of yourself and I hope it gets better SOON. :)

  8. Pregnancy is exhausting, particularly in the beginning and the end. The middle's not so bad, as I recall. That said, I have total pregnancy amnesia. You definitely have to make yourself take it easy if it's not your personality, though. Of that much I'm sure.

  9. I hope your back gets better soon! At least you can have lots of puppy cuddles until then, yes?

  10. Sister, I HEAR YA. This kid only weighs a pound...How is it SO HARD to move already?

    Also, I kept saying, "I'm not going to do anything differently, pregnancy isn't a disease!" and kept doing my usual workouts and whatnot and then finally just burned out. I have still been working out], but have been trying to take it easier. Someone reminded me the other day on Twitter that even when you're not doing anything, your body is working hard [while pregnant] so taking it easy isn't a BAD thing.

    Anyway, like I said, I HEAR YA.

    (But hey, at least the wall is painted! Hah!)

  11. I hear ya sister! This is the time to look after ourselves! I'm exactly the same, always determined to do things myself, and when I want them rather than waiting for a better time, or for someone to help me. In my 23 week of baby waiting now and seriously, it only gets harder!
    Take Care :)

  12. Aw sweetie, that sounds awful!! Take care of yourself, if you can't move after doing a bunch of work that's not coddling yourself- that's doing what's right for your body!

    Also, as if you're passing up the chance to be fed ice cream bars and watch reality TV without anyone questioning you! I would like to come to stay with you in Vancouver and lead by example, would that be okay? (I like the ice cream bars from Safeway) ;)

  13. Oh geez lady that sucks. Can you put a hot pad on your back? That usually helps me when I get muscle back pain.

    Feel better soon!

  14. No judgement here, says the girl who hopped across the room with a bowl of soup because she refused to let her husband bring it to her even though she was supposed to be resting her infected foot!

  15. Oh hunny, I hope you feel better soon.... :(