Friday, 21 January 2011

I Can't Believe I Love You So Much So Much In Fact That I Don't Know Whether To Weep Or Wind My Watch

In the past week, I have cried real tears over the following:

- Seeing my little alien flapping his or her arms on the ultrasound screen.

- Chris Colfer's Golden Globe acceptance speech.

- My inability to find a toothpaste that doesn't make me dry heave.

- Marshall's dad's funeral on HIMYM.

- Shawn taking the last pink popsicle, leaving me with only purple and orange.

- Not being able to find the fetus on any of the (19!) ultrasound pictures the clinic emailed to me. No really, I posted the picture of the hand because it's the only body part I can identify. I can't tell ass from head but I can see that damn hand, thankyouverymuch. Upon further review, I am fairly certain that the picture below is a profile of Willie* with the head on the left and the butt on the right.

* We're calling the fetus Willie because calling it The Mishap seems a bit harsh at this point. Also, I love Willie Nelson. And we're hoping that the fetus has a willy.

- Every single comment left on my last post. My bloggy peeps have always been awesome but I've never felt such an outpouring of love. You made me very happy is what I'm saying.

Finding out I was pregnant immediately after Shawn and I discussed how neither of us was ready to have kids was terrifying and stressful. Terrifying and stressful is putting it lightly, actually. I was paralysed with anxiety. The first few weeks were a struggle. Shawn and I had many difficult conversations and many tears were shed. (Umm pregnancy hormones? Fucking suck. I am a giant weepy ball of emotions. Constantly.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for helping me celebrate after weeks of stress and anxiety and just general frettiness (my first thought after Willie popped up on the ultrasound screen? "Thank fuck, it's alive!" My second thought? "Thank FUCK, there's only one.") Shawn and I are starting to shift from stress to excitement and every single person who expresses joy over Willie is helping us get there. We are so grateful. Aaaand now I'm starting to get all weepy again so I'll leave it at this: You rock, dudes.


  1. Dude, I am so excited for you! I'm also glad that you are getting over the stress and anxiety and coming over to the side of awesome and happy. :)

  2. Yay! This is an exciting time. I am glad that you are happy, and I'm super excited for you. I can't wait for Willie to make his/her appearance.

  3. Congrats on the Willy or Willa!

  4. Hooray for profile photos! Willie is adorable.

    Excited to be here reading along as you guys grow a bigger family. :)

  5. Ah! Just catching up! Huge congratulations. I think the feelings of trepidation are totally normal, and I'm so happy they're starting to give way to feelings of happiness!

  6. I JUST watched that episode of HIMYM, and I cried, very real tears and I'm not preg. So you're not alone! :P

    You guys will be fine by the way. Things always work out.

  7. So happy for you both Hillary! This is very exciting, your baby is going to be one lucky kid :)

  8. You and I could totally share popsicles. I like orange best, then grape. I never choose red or pink.

    There's a lot of crying and hysteria on the pregnant road. Those hormones are bitches. Whether you're right or not, Shawn needs to just let you be right. It'll make both your lives a lot easier.

    Also, more yay, hunny bunny!

  9. I'm with Lemon Gloria - we could share popsicles because the pink ones are always left in the box around these parts. Still over the moon about your news. Love little Willy's profile. So cute. (also, why didn't they label your ultrasound pics! That would have made it much easier!)

  10. Yay! Very exciting. You are going to be awesome parents. And your child should be one funny kid.

  11. so i leave for a week and come back to see you're pregnant!! hurrah, hurrah!! i mean seriously, so excited for you i might have actually squealed at my desk just now.

  12. Hi, just found your blog through Lemon Gloria's, congrats!!

    I'm just over 8 months into the pregnant and we weren't really "ready" either (but don't know if I'd ever have said I was!).

    The whole thing has been a mix of excitement, bitching about pregnancy symptoms, and oh shit am I cut out for this. I'm still in disbelief at 35 weeks here...

    But, at least I can say it gets way more fun and real when you can start to feel the kicks, mine started around week 20 =).

  13. My husband and I were just talking about our futre plans: when to buy a house, when to have kids, when to do this or that. And then I said, "You know things never go as planned right?" So I'm glad you're transitioning to excitement. It may not be when you had planned, but this is EXCITING! Congratulations again.

  14. One of my worst fears is having twins. I'm so happy that Willie is doing just fine in there!!

    And you know we're always here for you lady!!

    Congrats again lovely!

  15. Silent stalker alert!

    Have been reading your blog for about a year or so now, and see so much of myself in your writing - your relationship with your husband, you love for your "fur children" and also your problems with anxiety (to name a few!).

    To read about your wonderful news about "willie" made my day as my lovely hubby,fur children and I are also in the process of adding to our family ("Bean" will be gracing us with her presence end of may!).

    Big big congrats to you - I have to admit my anxiety is still getting in the way of me being ecstatic about our baby situation, but every day "she" gets more real to me and my excitement continues to grow and overtake the anxiety.

    All the best - I look forward to reading more about your journey all the way from Sydney Australia :)

  16. High five for new adventures!

  17. Absolutely THRILLED for you. Never thought I could be so happy for someone I don't actually know but here I am all kinds of pleased.


    O M G O M G O M G

    Care packages from the states! With baby things! And pink Popsicles!!

    Congratulations, Hills and Shawn! I am so insanely happy for you and also SUPER jealous :) But in a good way. Not a Real Housewives' sort of way. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  19. I'm so behind! but yay!! congratulations!

  20. I am married to a Willy (and yes go ahead and laugh at the double meaning of THAT name.)

    I totally can see the face there :)

  21. Welcome to the pregnancy world where you cry at every little thing and then all your friends have to be extra special sweet (even if it's just with words), which makes you cry that much more. I was pretty much like that for the 5 weeks Gavin was in the hospital.

  22. Congratulations on your wonderful baby news :) Sending you smiles and hugs!

  23. Since I am from Texas, I am partial to the "Willie" name.

    I have 'planned' all three of my pregnancies, and I find that I never feel planned, and I am still riddled with anxiety, terror, and holy CRAPness (especially right now when he is about TO BE HERE and OMG I AM NOT READY)

    I can promise you though that this will be the most exciting and lovely emotionally charged and anxiety inducing surprise ever!

  24. Dude, this is going to be so much fun!
    Ah! I'm so excited for you!

  25. Late to the Congrats party, but CONGRATULATIONS! Little babies with mustachios are pretty awesome...


  26. my "mishap" was followed by weeks of anger & sadness and a lot of swearing, lol. but i'll never forget what my mom told me. she told me to suck it up, hold my head high, and stop crying. and from that day, i stopped crying. the "mishap" didn't have a choice and so now i needed to focus on giving it the best life i could. i don't think anyone is ever really ready?? anyways, it's ok to experience all you are feeling. everything works out and it may truly be a blessing in disguise :)