Thursday, 5 August 2010

And I Said What I Said And I Meant It But Now I Regret It Foolish How Was I So Careless

The last few weeks have been spectacularly grim and even though I've tried to re-frame my thinking into being excited! about learning! and being grateful! for the opportunities I've been given! I've kind of failed. I have been snappy and tense and sometimes mean (okay, a lot mean. Just ask Shawn.) I have felt sorry for myself (something I hate in others and absolutely loathe in myself.) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now though, and I've started to see the light in myself again. I mean, I'm still worried about my ability to pass my exam and I'm still disproportionately angry about the fucking sleep study and breathing mask, but I've started to feel less like stabbing people in the ear and more like buckling down and getting shit done. It helps that I've got a deadline and that deadline is fast approaching. After this weekend, I don't plan on thinking about accounting ever again (which may not align with my employer's expectations but, please just allow me this disillusion until after I write my exam.) After August 19th, I won't wear a breathing mask to bed ever again (I say while furiously knocking on wood.) The end is in sight.

This is Stella's "stop studying and take me to the dog park, right now" look.

And this is what happens when I don't take her to the dog park.


  1. I know this is going to sound annoying but soon it'll all be over and done with (exam and breathing mask). I honestly don't know how you have been this patient with that sleeping mask. I think I would have tried to rip it to shreds or something.

    Big hugs lady.

  2. One day at a time, that's all anyone can ask you to take...

  3. We all need to wallow in self-pity every once in a while. I loathe it too, but it's just like that. And I only work well with a deadline. I will fuck around for days and then when I really really reeeeaaaally have to, I will be stressed beyond belief but get a ton of stuff done. I wish I didn't do that, but I do. Over and over and over.

    All this to say, Stella is adorable and you will never have to think about accounting again. OK?

  4. I'm so glad that you're moving forward and don't have all this stuff weighing on you anymore! :)