Ain't It A Shame That At The Top Peanut Butter And Jam They Served You

While eating my lunch today, I found myself growing more and more irritated by the stupid jackass glob of cream cheese that filled the hole of my bagel. I don't often eat bagels (hello carb coma) so I never actually prepare them myself (there's a Tim Hortons directly across from my office; this is pretty much the exact definition of "both a blessing and a curse"); however, if I were to prepare my own bagel, I'm fairly certain that I could figure out how to spread the cream cheese on the bagel without it forming a nasty dairy tumour. Spread the cream cheese in a circle, am I right? It takes minimal extra effort - just a little wrist action - and all of a sudden you're not serving up a bagel with a side of angst.

So I'm thinking these totally rational thoughts (and by "totally rational" I mean "crazy, oh so crazy") when the realization pops into my head that if the cream cheese were replaced by peanut butter, it would be a whole different ballgame. And then my head melted a little because a: this is how I will finally come to the realization that my perception of any given situation can be changed from negative to positive by changing one small thing? and b: I had an epiphany while raging against fucking cream cheese?

I am nothing if not deep, yo.

In other news: I am very sleep deprived; I accidentally hit myself in the nose hard enough to make it bleed (it's a long story); work is kicking my ass; Wolfgang has decided to punish us for going on holiday by pretending that he is no longer housebroken; and Shawn has been sick since we got home. Fun times.