I Wanna See You Out That Door Baby Bye Bye Bye

Dear Pityriasis Rosea:

You have been an unwanted part of my life since early November. For the last three months you have made me feel depressed, self-conscious, and itchy. I tried everything I could think of to make you go away. You are a stubborn bastard.

I'm happy to report that as of this morning, you have been reduced to three small spots on my back, one on my arm, and one in my knee-pit. I estimate that you are 95% gone now and I cannot express the joy I feel. I hope to never see you again.

Love,
The One Who No Longer Wants To Rip Her Own Skin Off


Dear Photo Printing Company that Starts with a K and Ends with an Odak:

When you bought out the company that I was using for printing my photos, you assured me that you would fulfill my photo printings needs. You threw around words like "easy" and "seamless" and phrases like "award winning print quality" and "satisfaction guaranteed." I trusted you, Photo Printing Company that Starts with a K and Ends with an Odak. Clearly, I should have made you work harder to earn my trust.

Back in November, I ordered three calendars from you. We made three different calendars because Shawn's parents do not want calendars that include pictures of each other and my parents would rather have a calendar that included pictures of my siblings rather than pictures of Shawn's brother. It's not a complicated process at all; we made our three different calendars and I placed the order.

And then my order arrived and not only did I have three copies of Shawn's mom's calendar (and no copies of Shawn's dad's or my parents' calendars,) the quality was horrible. Despite the editing I had done through your program, the red-eye was not corrected in any of the photos. Also, there was random spots on some of the pages. I was extremely upset until I went online to check out your return policy. Whereupon I was pleasantly surprised to find that you have a 30-day unrestricted return policy. Which got me thinking ... how crappy must you be if you give your customers 30 days to return completely personalized, non-reusable product for a full refund?

Anyway, I printed off the handy, free-shipping label (remember the label - the label is important) and mailed the calendars back to you for my full refund. That was at the end of November. You told me that it could take up to four weeks to process my return so I didn't worry when my December credit card statement came and there was no credit on it. I did start to worry when there was no credit on my January statement so I emailed you to check on the progress of my return. You told me that my return had not been received yet. This was a bit worrying as I'd mailed it over six weeks before. Before I could work myself into a lather, I received an email saying that my return had been received and you would start the process of getting me my money.

This morning I got an email saying that you had submitted a credit of $42 to my credit card company and that it should show on my next statement. Here's where things get a bit fuzzy. The calendars were $19.99 each. I ordered three, which brings me up to $59.97 - I had a 30% coupon though, so my total was $41.98 plus tax. With tax, I paid $47.02. I don't know where the magical number 42 came from but I am assuming that you processed a return for three $20 calendars with a 30% discount and no tax. Which brings me to the conclusion that you live in a magical tax-free world.

I emailed you to ask why I was not receiving a refund for the GST & PST and you sent a rather snippy reply that shipping costs can not be refunded when third-party shipping is used. You then offered to send me a credit for free shipping, should I ever need to return something to you again. And then my head melted. First of all, my email had nothing to do with shipping. Secondly, are you really offering to send me a shipping credit when I already know that shipping is free (remember the free-shipping label)? Lastly, are you implying that if I order from you again, you're going to eff it up and I'll need to return my order?

I sent an email back to you asking you to try again.

It has been over two months since I returned the calendars to you, Photo Printing Company that Starts with a K and Ends with an Odak, but I am happy to report that I finally received my credit (for the full amount! With GST & PST!) today. Thank you for finally coming through. I think that we may need some time apart, though. I don't trust you anymore. The quality of your product is lacking and your customer service is dismal. I think we need to see other people. No hard feelings, m'kay?

From,
The One Who is on the Prowl for a New Photo Printing Company


Dear Wolfgang:

I'm sorry that you are having tummy issues but was it really necessary to pooh on the couch? At 3am?

Love,
The One Who Still Loves You Even Though You Are a Disgusting Pit of Germs