Wednesday, 2 December 2009

If Your Head Is High You'll Never Fear At All

The week before I saw my horrid doctor I punched Stella. It was accidental and was actually what prompted me to get over myself and make the damn appointment.

I am not a good sleeper. I talk in my sleep, I wake up multiple times a night, sometimes I sit up in my sleep, sometimes I walk in my sleep, and a few weeks ago I punched my puppy.

For the last few years, I've had seizures while I sleep. My doctor said it was either a sleep disorder or a stress disorder but since it only happened a few times a month on average, it didn't affect me any more than my other sleep issues did.

Until it started happening more regularly. I had ten seizures in the two weeks before I worked up the courage to see my wretched doctor. Then I punched my poor pup and that sealed the deal for me. I made the appointment and saw my doctor.

The good thing about my meany-pants doctor is that she's a well-connected meany-pants doctor. Within a week of seeing her she got me in to see a neurologist.

So that was pretty much the longest introduction to this, the shortest story:
I had the appointment with the neurologist. Not just any neurologist, mind you. A prominent neurologist who runs impressive neurology programs at the university and who has a fancy office in a state-of-the-art medical building. So I go to the exam thinking it will be a quick little head exam (side note: for some reason I thought neurology was about the head not the nervous system) except that when I show up, the neurologist tells me to put on a hospital gown. This would not have been an issue, had I been wearing underpants instead of a tiny little lacy thong (what? I hadn't done laundry in a while.) So I put on the hospital gown and we start the exam and things are going fine. Until I have to walk in a straight line away from the neurologist and do this balancing thing and my gown flaps open and I show my bare ass to the fancy neurologist.

So basically I'm all about showing my bum now. It's kind of my thing.


  1. Hey that's totally cool! You Canadians are so avate garde. But how did the actual doctor's appointment go?

  2. I'm sure you left an impression. Your wait time won't be so long next time...

  3. See I want to laugh but at the same time now I'm worried and I hope you're ok!

    You're ok right?

  4. Haha, I like Ben's comment. I'm guessing your bum is cuter than a lot of the bums this fancy neurologist sees. Just saying.

    Hope everything is ok.

  5. Oh eek, that is embarrassing. I don't know why they can't make a gown with a back. Is that just too much to ask?

    I hope you are doing ok and got everything figured out!

  6. lol! Oh you're too awesome- and if I didn't know better I would see this as some kind of totally epic line skipping mechanism.

    I hope you get some answers, the seizures pretty scary.

  7. Hahahahah! This is hilarious, kind of. I had to do an MRI once after I started getting abnormal migraines, and I'd totally have worn a thong if my mom hadn't warned me. Silly hospital gowns.

    P.S. Are you ok?

  8. o sweet cheeks of mercy. that's hilarious! good thing you have a nice bum :)

  9. dude! everything about this is alarming, INCLUDING the butt flash ;-) but seriously! how did the appt go!? i do not like you having sleep seizures young lady!

  10. i totally agree with ben, i bet next time they'll let you skip ahead any other appointments, haha.

  11. Oh, Hillary! Are you OK? As for the butt flash, I'm certain it was the highlight of fancy neurologist's week. Also, I'm glad bitchface doctor is well-connected and you are getting good care.

  12. Damn, I thought eating while asleep was lame, but seizures? NOT COOL!!!!
    I'm so glad you flashed your bum :D It makes a possibly scary appointment a little bit embarrassing, and prolly helps ease the scaredness!

  13. Meany pants is definitely well connected. It took my mom almost a year to see her fancy pants migraine specialist neurologist.

    I hope everything is ok. Seizures must be scary! (As for the butt flash, at least you were wearing cute underwear rather than the 'at the bottom of the pile, need to throw out, old, stained, granny panties.' Not that I have those. ahem.)

  14. You had to get a head scan?? Did the doctor try to shove a dollar bill in your thong??

    Inquiring minds want to know.

    I hope you're ok. :-)

  15. I thrash wildly in my sleep (my husband has described it as seizure-like, though I'm pretty sure it's Periodic Limb Movement Disorder or something like that).

    I went to a neurologist and everything looked fine so they put me on Klonopin (aka Clonazepan) and it's worked wonders... but I'm pretty sure you can't take it long-term.

    I'll be curious to see how this all turns out for you - hopefully they will figure out something that works for you soon.