The Wriggling, Squiggling Worm Inside Devours From The Inside Out

Warning: This post is nasty. It's gross and horrible and if you're eating (or planning to eat soon) I recommend that you not read it. Seriously.

Raise your hand if you're a worm-free puppy!

I took Stella to the vet last night. I walked her there so that when we arrived she'd be tired and sweet. It didn't work. That was the first lesson of the night: Stella does not tire. Ever. The second lesson? When your vet mumbles something, instead of saying "uh, okay!", ASK HIM TO REPEAT HIMSELF. Otherwise, he might tell you to hold on to her and when you pull her close to you, he might give you a funny look (warning sign!) Then, he might put TWO FINGERS in her bum and EXPRESS HER ANAL GLANDS. Expressing anal glands is messy. You might be wearing a fleece hoodie and you might get anal gland juice all over it, making you want to throw said fleece hoodie out because, really - will it ever feel clean enough to wear again?

So he took a look at her poop and decided that she's not wormy right now but she does need to take de-worming medication. His reasoning is that because we take her to the dog park a lot, she's exposed to worms and needs the medication yearly to keep her healthy. I'm pretty sure the real reason is that he wants me to spend NINETY FREAKING DOLLARS every year on FIVE MEASLY PILLS.

Stella and I walked home in the rain, both feeling very sorry for ourselves. Stella was so upset that she ninja-death-rolled a mud puddle. And then I cried.

After her bath, Stella's cone went back on. She's not wormy but she does really like to lick her bum. She's got to wear the cone for a few days so her ass-wound has time to dry up and heal. She is not impressed by the situation.


I gave her the dewormy pills in some peanut butter and thought that was the end of it.

I went to bed early last night. Stella came with me because she was still upset about the cone situation. Normally she sleeps in her crate beside our bed but when she's upset I let her sleep with us. I am a sucker like that. When she's really upset, she likes to burrow down under the covers and sleep on my feet. So she's curled up on my feet (cone and all) and I'm drifting off to sleep when all of a sudden I feel something wet and nasty on my legs. Stella threw up in my bed. She threw up a lot. In my bed. On my legs. I put her in her crate, strip the bed, put the sheets in the washing machine with pretty much half a bottle of Nature's Miracle, make the bed, and crawl back in. At this point I will still manage 7 hours of sleep before I have to get up for work. But Stella's having none of it. She starts to puke in her crate. Shawn takes her outside and she has some disastrous results from her other end. We put her back in her (now clean) crate but by the time she was finished being ill it was 1:30 in the morning. Which means that I managed a whole 5 hours of sleep last night and my melty head? SO MUCH MORE MELTY THAN YESTERDAY.

I called the vet this morning and he said that as long as the puking started more than 3 hours after she took the pills (it did), the medication did get into her bloodstream and will be effective and yes, we do have to repeat this in 10 days. He also said that this reaction isn't uncommon in puppies, which would have been helpful to know yesterday when I freaking asked if there was any side effects. If I had known that there was a possibility of vomit, I wouldn't have effing slept with her IN MY BED.

Um, please can you take this cone off me? Please?