Ben asked (told?) me to list everything I have left to do in my final 10 days as an unmarried woman. I am nothing if not accommodating (oh, and lazy - because now I only have six days left before the wedding) so here I go:
Hillary's List of Doom
Assemble programs.
Attend Hillary's Bachelorette Party Take 2: GHB-free Edition.
Figure out if we're doing a rehearsal dinner (I KNOW, ok? It's too late to be dealing with this. There is just a lot of family drama to contend with and we're not sure if we can have a rehearsal dinner without somebody's parents killing each other.)
Figure out ninja flower plan for when Auntie Batshitcrazy shows up with mums.
Get rid of nasty zit that has shown up in my eyebrow (seriously, wtf?)
Find someone to take care of Stella (everyone we trust to take care of her will be at the wedding. All the kennels near us have been booked for months (I am shaking my fist at the stupid long weekend) so we're pretty much screwed.)
Figure out the seating arrangement.
Put labels on jam.
Make a list of must-take photos for photographer.
Get nails painted. Possibly get a massage if time permits.
CLEAN MY HOUSE ( I swept yesterday for the first time in about a month. I picked up enough dog hair to MAKE ANOTHER STELLA. I was tempted to post a picture.)
Write a speech about how much my friends and family rock for putting up with me throughout the whole wedding-planning process.
Hmm, it's just occurred to me that maybe Ben didn't want a to-do list. Maybe he meant I should list the things I want to accomplish before getting married. In which case, my list looks a little something like this:
1. Have sex with David Usher.
2. Have sex with Ian Thornley.
(though both are on my laminated list, so should the opportunity present itself, it doesn't matter if I'm married or not. In theory.)
3. Live with a roommate. (I've lived with my family, on my own and with Shawn, but never with a roommate. I feel like I've missed out on pillowfights and pyjama parties aplenty.)
That's honestly all I can come up with for now. I think that's a good sign.
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I've never been married and have had a whopping seven roommates in the last eight years. Never one pajama or pillow fight.
ReplyDeleteJust when I was about to go all "LAAAAAAME" on you, you deliver with slutty fantasies. You rock. And roommates? Yeah...they're cool when you're 19/20, but it gets old fast once the booze runs out
ReplyDeleteYou go get that massage. NOW!
ReplyDeleteDammit, now I feel as though we have all missed out on pillow fights and pajama parties aplenty and that's just sad.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that roommates are overrated. I love living alone and dread the idea of ever having to live with someone I'm not shagging.
ReplyDeleteMassage, yes. Make time, they are so good at unwinding you.
For the zit - find a dermatologist and have them inject that thing with cortisone. Zit = gone in a day.
ReplyDeleteFor the pup - send her to NYC. I will pup sit. You're welcome.
Ha! Nice! Isn't there that rule, though? The five rule? The five celebrities you'd sleep with if given the chance, regardless of marriage or relationship?
ReplyDeleteYeah. I think that still holds.
I feel you with the slacking on cleaning. I seriously had enough Zoey fur collecting in the corners to make a new cat. It was scary.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHAHA. you do not want roommates. *commits homicide*
ReplyDeleteSam and I call the hair left over from our pets "Little so-and-so". Therefore you have a Little Stella!!!
ReplyDeleteIf your guests are NOT bringing their children to the wedding, could you talk to one of them about their babysitter and kids watching Stella?
Live with a roommate? Consider yourself lucky that you skipped that part of your list. In my experience they are more trouble than they are worth. Plus, I'd think the soon-to-be-hubby would be your best roommate anyway!
ReplyDelete