Viva Las Vegas, Where the Neon Signs Flash Your Name - part 1

Going to Vegas for Christmas was an excellent idea. There was a bit of airline craziness going down (it took 6 hours) but it was smooth sailing on the way home. We had so much fun - checking out all the Christmas glitz in the hotel lobbies, dressing up in our Vegas clothes to see Cirque Du Soleil, people watching in the casinos, drinking champagne straight from the bottle - all the stuff you have to do when you're in Vegas.

We had fabulous weather so we spent a lot of time outside. We got to see the fountains outside the Bellagio at night (the 1 thing I really wanted to do)

and we rode the rollercoaster that goes outside around New York New York (the 1 thing that S really wanted to do.) We actually did the rollercoaster twice and both times I thought I was going to vomit. Scariest rollercoaster I have been on. Ever.

We stayed at the Luxor, which was nice. We had a bit of a Seinfeld moment when we tried to check into our pyramid deluxe room ("See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation and that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.") Our plane landed so late that they had already given away all the pyramid rooms. The whole point of staying at the Luxor was so that we could stay in the pyramid (clearly S got to pick the hotel) so it was very disappointing. Disappointing, that is, until they upgraded us to a player's suite. Everytime we walked into the room, S would say "playa!" which made the whole thing worth while.

That, and the jacuzzi.

Wouldn't It Be Nice If I Could Melt Myself Like Ice Or Outrun My Skin And Just Be Pure Wind

This picture was taken the night of my company Christmas party but because my camera cable was MIA, I couldn't upload it until today. It marks the 8-month countdown to our wedding. I'm posting it as motivation. This is what I look like in December. In August? In August my arms will not be flabby. I will not have chipmunk cheeks. I will get my eyebrows waxed by a professional for the first time. S will stop slouching (I look like a giant next to him in this picture but in real life he towers over me by about 6 inches.)

I am not usually so image-obsessed. I go through phases of dissatisfaction with various parts of my body (I'm a woman - I won't apologize) but I've never felt so utterly disgusted with how I look. It's no coincidence that I've also never been as inactive as I've been in the past few months. The wedding will be fabulous if I am wearing a size 2 or a size 12. I will be happy if my arms are toned and muscular or if they are flabby and wing-like. S loves me and my chipmunk cheeks and multiple chins. I know all this and yet ... in my twisted way of thinking, I've convinced myself that I will be happier, the wedding will be better, S will love me more if I lose 10 pounds / tone up the flab / grow my hair / cut my hair, etc. I am suffering from a case of the crazy.

It goes without saying that any form of weight loss plan will not go into effect until after Christmas. I have no will power under normal circumstances and Christmastime in our family is anything but normal circumstances. Not only because of crazy family stress but also because of the stupid amounts of Christmas baking that goes on. I haven't eaten a proper meal in days, unless dipping shortbread and oranges in melted chocolate counts as a proper meal. I wish I lived in a world where chocolate-dipped shortbread and orange slices were considered a balanced diet.

Forget About Your House of Cards and I'll Do Mine

We have hot water again but I refuse to celebrate. Instead, I'm anxiously awaiting the next cold shower. After the last hot water tank mishap, we were assured that everything was fixed, everything was working and we had nothing to worry about. So we didn't worry. I won't fall into that trap again. As of right now, we are on hot water tank #2 and hot water tank breaker #2. Everything is new and shiny. In theory, we should have hot water for the foreseeable future.

On top of having hot water, we also seem to have sorted out the lien issue. I don't want to say it's resolved because I'm sure I'll jinx it, but we are on the right track. Our lawyer assures us that it's nothing we have to worry about - he will sort it out with the seller's lawyer and let us know when it's settled.

I'm trying to not freak out about all these little issues but I'm not doing a good job of it. I didn't think that owning our own place would be so much work. Today is exactly 1 month since we took possession and it feels like we haven't had time to enjoy it yet.

In other weekend news, if you get exfoliator in your eye, it's not a good idea to then rub it. It won't get the exfoliator out, it will just exfoliate your eyeball. Exfoliating your eyeball hurts like a mofo, just in case you're wondering.

Insanity Laughs Under Pressure We're Cracking

Last week we had hot water. This week? We do not. At least we haven't lost the electricity. Yet. (We are spoiled, I know.) Something is wrong with our shiny new hot water tank. It keeps randomly tripping the breaker so we lose our hot water capabilities. We never actually notice until someone wants to take a shower though. It does not make for a happy household. We've owned the condo for 3 weeks and we've been through 2 hot water tanks. It's getting a bit ridiculous.

Also ridiculous is the phone call I got yesterday from a collections agent. It turns out that there was a lien on our condo and our lawyer missed it during the title search. I know, right? That's the point of the lawyer - to deal with the legal stuff. To say that I'm stressed would be putting it mildly. Hopefully it will all be sorted out today - it's our lawyer's mistake so (in theory) he should take care of it.

To top off my completely random post, on the skytrain this morning I was sitting next to a woman who was breaking up with her boyfriend (on the phone.) She was getting really agitated and it was really awkward and boring until she busted out this little gem:
"Yeah, well you can chuckle your way to Lonely Town."
Pure Genius.

Maybe Baby You Will Love Me Someday

I am not a morning person. Every morning is a struggle to get out of bed, get dressed and get out the door by 7:30. This morning I was running a bit behind, so I didn't have time for my morning cup of coffee. Until I have coffee, I am not coherent. So I'm late, I haven't had any coffee yet and this is the conversation I have with a complete stranger in the elevator of my condo building:

Random Man: So do you like it here?

Me: (Mustering up all my energy to reply in actual words and not just grunts) Yes.

Random Man: Do you live here with your parents?

Me: (a little creeped out) Uh no, I live with my fiancé.

Random Man: He should be your husband!

Me: (a lot creeped out) He will be, next year.

Random Man: Make it this year. Then you can start having babies.

At this point I was saved by our arrival at the ground floor.

W.T.F? Why did this man, who I've never met before, feel like he had the right to tell me when to start having babies? Maybe I don't want babies. Maybe I can't have babies. He doesn't know. Just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I have to reproduce. It was a ridiculous way to start a morning. So ridiculous that when I got downtown, I needed a chocolate croissant to soothe my rage. It's all about the justification.

But How Do You Plan For a Bank Full of Nuns?

My baby sister, Bow, works at a bank. Last week her bank was robbed. At gunpoint (who has guns? in the suburbs?) My little sister is the most timid, non-confrontational person you could imagine. She is quiet and shy and gentle. Her husband (okay so I said she's my baby sister but she's actually 21) is out of town this weekend so she's moved back in with my parents. My sweet little sister is too afraid to be in her own house.

I can't imagine being too afraid to do my job. I've been too tired to do my job. Too annoyed, too frustrated, too sick. Never too afraid.

I feel so indignant. How dare someone come in to her place of work and take what's not his? Not the money - who cares about the money - but her sense of security. Her peace of mind. Her confidence. I am livid for Bow.

I also feel conflicted. I can't help but feel pity for someone who is so desperate that they have to rob a bank. I'm finding Christmas a bit of a financial strain this year and I have a job that pays me well. I can't imagine being unemployed at this time of year. It wouldn't drive me to rob a bank though.

I Got You Babe

All of our crap is now in the new place. I say crap because that's what it is. We have so. much. crap. I didn't realize how much crap we own until we had to move it all. Time constraints prevented us from sorting through the crap and getting rid of it, so we now have a nice shiny new condo full of crap. Crap that we don't need. Crap that we don't use. Want crap? We've got it.

Enough complaining - I am so happy to be out of our old apartment. I hated the transition of being in 2 places. It was too hard to keep track of the crap :)

My older sister and her boyfriend (partner? life-y? chosen one? Turtle, help me out here) are the lovely people who made our move successful. I did not realize how disorganized and behind we were until they swooped in with their magical moving powers and saved the day. It helps that they've moved about 50 times in the last 10 years. They are professionals. Usually I am the organized one (and by "organized" I mean "bossy") so it felt a bit strange to hand the reins over. I got over that quickly though, when I realized that someone else was doing all the work. It was fabulous. So T&T, thank you from the bottom of my disorganized, crap-collecting heart.

I Think You're Crazy, Just Like Me

I don't know why I thought I could handle buying a condo and planning a wedding at the same time. Oh, and work full-time and do correspondence classes part-time. My brain has turned to mush. I actually emailed our Realtor yesterday to ask her what I should do with the mail we're getting that's not ours. She gently suggested that I mark it "return to sender" and drop it in the mail. Duh. In real life, I am a fairly intelligent and capable person. My current reality? Not so intelligent. Definitely not so capable.

We need to be out of our apartment by Friday at 1pm. On Sunday, our landlord gave us a sheet of paper detailing everything that needs to be done by then. Things like shampoo the carpet, clean behind the fridge and stove ... things that we have never done. Ever. The sheet of doom also explained the "fines" we would be receiving if we don't clean up to standard. If we don't clean the blinds - $100 ($100?!!), shampoo the carpets - $75, etc. So now we're trying to quantify everything. How badly do we not want to shampoo the carpets? Is it worth $75 to not shampoo the carpets? It's not like we have a carpet cleaner. We'd have to rent a carpet cleaner, which means that we'd have to figure out where to rent a carpet cleaner. It's frustrating. The carpet is about a million year old. Shampooing it is not going to improve it whatsoever.

With all the moving shite we've been dealing with lately, planning the wedding has been put on hold. I've been fairly relaxed about the wedding planning process (other than my obsessive list-making - but hey, love me, love my lists.) I have never wanted the big fairytale wedding. I'm not big on poofy dresses or elaborate centrepieces or 19-course dinners. I don't think, though, that I've been neglecting the wedding plans. I don't think that it's cause for alarm that the menu isn't decided, 8 months before the wedding. I think we're ahead of the game - we know where the wedding is going to be, we have the date set, the guest list made and the cupcakes ordered. What is the rush? As soon as we got engaged, people were asking when the wedding was going to be. We set a date so people would leave us alone. Now people are asking what our colour scheme is (seriously? colour scheme?), what the menu is going to be, etc. It's exhausting. We're going to Vegas in a month and we are seriously considering doing this.

We're Lying in the Gutter, but We're Looking at the Stars, I Get Excited, You Get Excited Too

Update:
We have electricity! and hot water! in the same place! at the same time!
We no longer have to choose between having hot water or having electricity and this makes me excited beyond belief.

Passing By You Light Up My Darkest Skies

Last week I almost had a heart attack when I flipped the breaker for the hot water tank and the lights went out. S had gone to take the garbage out, so of course when he came back to a completely dark condo he blamed me. The conversation went a little like this:
Me: I didn't do it.
S: Well the lights were on when I left, so obviously you did something.
Me: Well all I did was flip the breaker, so obviously something is wrong with it.
S: *silently glowers*
Moving is not bringing out the best in us.
It was a stressful night - me trying to read the hot water tank manual by the light of my cellphone, S trying unsuccessfully to turn the lights back on by flipping the main breaker on and off about eleventy million times. After about twenty minutes of this I deduced that I had, in fact, done nothing wrong while S reckoned that I had broken the condo beyond repair.
After a frantic call to the developer, we managed to get an electrician to come out the next morning. Electrician determined that our hot water tank is a death trap, which is why when I turned it on the whole circuit shorted out. (I heart Electrician because he proved the hot water tank debacle is not my fault. I'm just sayin'.)
We don't know why the hot water tank is a deathtrap (faulty wiring, faulty element, faulty installation, etc.) We also don't know who is going to fix it. Developer has promised me hot water tonight but I have no hope.
The one (slightly) bright spot in this is that we're not actually living in the condo yet. We're doing the big move on Saturday so it's not like we're running around smelly and unwashed. Well, no more smelly than usual.

She's Electric, She's in a Family Full of Eccentrics

A haiku for the electrician who may or may not be my hero:

I want hot water
Electricity has gone
Fix it for me please

I've Seen Your Frown and it's Like Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun

Me: (realizing the water jug is leaking all over the fridge) wtf? S, did you know the water jug is leaking?

S: I tried to fix it.

Me: (noticing burn mark on said water jug) W.T.F.?

S: I tried to melt the plastic together because it was cracked.

Me: Well there’s water all over the fridge.

S: So throw the jug out.

Me: (noticing that there’s no filter in the jug) Why is there no filter in the jug?

S: I threw the filter out because the jug is broken.

Me: You threw the filter out because the jug is broken.

S: Yes.

Me: But you didn’t throw the jug out because …

Seriously. wtf?

Our House, in the Middle of Our Street

Getting the keys to our new place was a bizarre experience. Our Realtor handed everything over in the lobby and pointed us toward the elevator. We got up to our condo and didn't know what to do. It felt like we were trespassing. Everything is so shiny and new - it's hard to believe that it belongs to us. I can't accurately describe just how crappy our current apartment is, so I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Old Light Fixtures:

New Light Fixtures:














































































I do realize that it's not healthy to love light fixtures this much, but I can't help it. I luuurve my new light fixtures.

I love lamp.

So if you're crazy, I don't care you amaze me

I turned 25 almost a month ago and I still don't feel like a grownup. I'm doing grownup things and trying really hard to feel like I'm not a fraud, but I'm not succeeding. Today we met with the lawyers to sign our mortgage stuff (I don't even know what it's called. See? Not a grownup.) You'd think that buying our first home would make me feel a little like a grownup, but no. Not so much. Instead, I feel like a kid who's playing house. Already planning what furniture needs replacing and what goodies we're going to buy instead of worrying how we're going to pay the property tax bill we're going to be hit with in a few months. S is not helping matters, tempting me with visions of a new tv! in the bedroom! instead of figuring out what our monthly utility bill will be. Not that we could figure it out if we wanted to - we've never lived anywhere where you had to pay utilities; the landlord always took care of it and included it in the rent. Now we're our own landlords and it's scary. Who will we call when something breaks? Realistically, we'll be calling my dad but I'd like to think that we'll be okay on our own. We get the keys to our new place on Saturday. Maybe then I'll start to feel like a grownup.