Thursday, 21 January 2010

These Are My Confessions

Neither Shawn nor I have ever cleaned our oven. We moved into our condo over two years ago. There is a patch of black sludge at the bottom. Our smoke alarm randomly goes off when we use it. The oven remains uncleaned.

December 16th was the last time I went to karate. At first I could justify it: the dojo was closed over Christmas and then I had my surgery. Now? Now I'm just lazy. And fat.

I am obsessed with well-groomed eyebrows, mainly because I have no idea how to make mine pretty. I pluck out the unibrowy bits but my brows never look awesome. If I see someone with great eyebrows, I stare. Inappropriately. Like, if I'm talking to someone with great eyebrows I will be unable to maintain eye contact because I'm entranced by their brows. Someone, please, put me out of my misery. How do I get great brows? I've tried having them waxed and threaded; I was not impressed by either and not just because it was ouchie.

I shout at the television when I watch hockey.

Music is a huge part of my life. I listen to music every day. I love listening to my favourite bands but I also love discovering new music to love. I love making playlists for myself (I have playlists for dog-walking, cleaning, commuting, driving - trips under an hour in length and trips over an hour in length, etc.) I love making mixes for my friends. I do not love live shows. I feel like a music failure, like I'm not fully supporting the artists I love because I don't go to their live shows. I used to love going to shows but my anxiety and hatred of large crowds has prevented me from going to any in the last few years. This will all change in April when I go see Muse perform. I'm putting it on the internet so I can't change my mind. I love Muse, I've never seen them live, Shawn and I have ground floor seats = I am going to that show no matter what.

I cannot spell tomorrow without spellcheck. I always double the m. Shame.

I think it's disgusting that Shawn puts jam on his grilled cheese sandwich but I think it's completely normal that I put pickles in my peanut butter sandwich.

Alright peeps, this is a safe place; what are your confessions?


  1. I love PB sandwiches with pickles as well. And I hate live shows. But I don't feel guilty about it.

    I'd be interested to see some of your playlists. I know you have super hip taste in music.

  2. One of the things on the checklist of "Stuff We Have To Do In Order To Get Our Safety Deposit Back When We Move Out" is clean the oven.

    I'm pretty sure that's the only time it will ever happen.

  3. -I think The Beatles are pretentious and over-rated.

    -I love the smell of my cat's breath.

    -I get my upper lip waxed monthly.

    Phew! That felt good to confess!

  4. I too never clean my oven. I've lived in my place for 6 years, and have been roommate-less for 3 of them. I'm sure one of my old roomies cleaned the oven, but I sure as hell never have. *hangs head in shame*

    I also yell loudly, and get quite violent when watching hockey. I've scared some people who witness this for the first time, as I'm normally very quiet and shy, except of course when there's hockey on. :)

  5. I never clean my oven.
    I never wash my draperies.
    I once had a sex dream about Emeril, and it was horrific.

  6. - ry and i have NEVER cleaned the oven. we have lived in the same place for 6 years and 3 months and 13 days.
    - i like mayo and peanut butter sandwiches (byt the mayo has to go on after the pb, so it makes it less sticky)
    - i usually type ahve before i realize it should be have. i have done this since high-school
    - i am embarassed and super sensitive about the amount of peach fuzz on my body (especially my face) and wish i could make it go away without slaving at it and paying an arm and a leg for services that dont fix it it permanently.
    - i crop dust in crowded places.

  7. Bryan cleans the oven regularly, washes out the cat box (dumps out the litter and everything), cleans the garbage can, and cleans the microwave. I love him exponentially more because of those things!

    I really don't like watching movies. I feel anxious sitting still for so long, and rarely can I ever watch a movie longer than 2 hours.

  8. I was just thinking about the oven issue over the weekend. We've never cleaned our oven, either and we desperately need to. Black sludge keepers unite!

  9. Peanut butter and pickles sounds kind of amazing. I had fried pickles over Christmas and I think peanut butter would bring them to another level.

  10. Currently my leg hair is approaching Sasquatchian-levels, since I'm waiting to wax so my friend can do it and get video for her wax-selling website. My armpit hair is not far behind.

  11. I have trouble sleeping, so I started buying myself mindless novels in order to distract me from my insomnia (and not get me so engaged that I would remain awake all night). The result? I am now addicted to romance novels. I only like the good ones, of course. But still.

    Trashy trashy trashy.

  12. Self cleaning oven. So worth it.

    I put potato chips on peanut butter and jelly. Stack 'em in, close it up, and sqwuishy crunch press it closed.

  13. the idea of jam and grilled cheese sort of grosses me out too. as for the oven sludge, we're getting pretty close to having that too. as for my confession of the day, i talk to tv show characters like they can really hear me, it's a bit ridiculous.

  14. What? Pickles and jam? Both of those are completely weird.

    1. When I eat fast food (gross, but it happens) I like putting fries in my burger.

    2. I don't really like going to shows either. Not for the crowd, but for fear of the band being shitty live.

  15. I rarely shave my legs.
    I don't like going out on weeknights because I like to be in bed, reading, by 9 o'clock.
    I constantly sing to Sam and the cats-but I can't carry a tune.
    We've been in this house for 2.5 years, and I don't think we've cleaned the oven either.
    We're both TERRIBLE housekeepers, so rarely invite people over.

    I might have to devote a whole post to my confessions...

  16. How the hell does one clean an oven? (So clearly I've never done this before either. Um, oops?)

    I hate it when people smoke, all the time, anytime. Even if they are friends or family.

    I like marmalade with cheese.

    I'm not a big fan of going out all night anymore. I prefer my couch and tv.

    There's just too much to put down here!

  17. I am an eyebrow obsesser too, its the one splurge I will always make, getting mine done by a pro.

  18. Oh lawdy, I am so crazy. For starters, I like toast with Marmite, which is bad enough all by itself, but then I like to add jam to the toast with Marmite.

    I fold my underwear and always put the freshly laundered ones on the bottom of the pile and wear the ones from the top of the pile, so they all get equal rotation.

    I organize my DVD's alphabetically by genre even though I own, like, 20 DVD's.

    I never sweep the tile floors because they have a design on them that covers up dirt very well.

    I can't DEAL with someone touching my eyebrows, especially if they push them the wrong way. I will literally freak out. The sound of someone using a broom on concrete does the same thing to me.

    I'm the laziest person I know in terms of keeping my apartment clean & tidy but if my boyfriend leaves clutter around my place, it drives me up the wall.

    I am working a lot of long hours at the moment, and often I'll stay later than necessary just because everyone knows I'm working long hours so I have an excuse to avoid the gym. Somehow if I can justify it, it's like the calories I don't burn aren't really there. I've basically just agreed with myself that I'll lose the weight when the Olympics are over (I work for the Olympics in case that sounded weird.)

    There you go. I'm batshit insane.

  19. I have broken window syndrome in my current apartment.

    I lie at interviews and will let friends pose as references.

    I am outrageously lonely.

    I should have thrown out my contact lenses six months ago but am still wearing them b/c I can't afford to go to an eye doctor or buy new ones. I am certain my eyeballs will fall out any day now.

    I will probably never leave the country again, and wish I could send my passport in to get that money back.

  20. You're supposed to clean the oven? Shoot.

    My true confession? Sometimes I use Google to help me with Scrabble. :)

  21. -I transferred colleges before my senior year because I wanted a boyfriend and wasn't finding any at my first college. I convinced myself (and my parents) I was doing it because of academic reasons.

    -I am not a generous person, especially when it comes to giving people rides in my car, or going to see friends who live in other cities. I find myself adding up the gas/toll money in my head, and then wondering how much time/money that person has ever spent on me.

    -I have no idea if going to graduate school right now is a waste of my time, but I'm doing it anyway.

    -I don't read intellectual stuff nearly as often as I used to. I think I've been in a steady brain decline since high school.

  22. LOL here I am, totally glad you shamelessly suggested yourself.

    a) I am 26 and have neeeever been to a concert.

    b)I don't have eyebrows - like, really - and do the SAME thing. Where I am like.. I want your brows, here I come to creepily creepily stare JUST above your eyeballs.

  23. "I am obsessed with well-groomed eyebrows, mainly because I have no idea how to make mine pretty."

    ME NEITHER! I've heard about stencils that you can use to get a better shape and then pluck outside of them but honestly, I need to look into this too.

  24. I actually tuned into the finale of Season 2 of Rock of Love. And cared about the outcome.

  25. i didn't clean my oven until about two month ago, for the first time in four years.

    i never even thought about it, until my grandma brought it up to me. it's super easy, just do it!

  26. I can only spell tomorrow using the trick I learned in 5th grade. . . It the words "tom" "or" and "row all smushed together. I say "tom or row" to myself everytime I spell it.

  27. As if there was any doubt... we are now officially twinsies.

    I am beyond obsessed with eyebrows. I too think this stems from my own brow imperfections and desire to one day have the perfect arch. It will never happen. I have no arch. And when I try to fake it, I end up with these weird "candy cane" shaped brows that are so not flattering.

    I used to spell "tomorrow" tomarrow. I had a friend in high school who would mercilessly make fun of me for this, and consequently, I learned how to spell it correctly. Booyah.

    I too am a very "musical" soul, though I do enjoy live shows. However, there is one venue that I refuse to go to in Pittsburgh. I am short and this place is no friend to the vertically-challenged. Also, it seems that no matter who is playing, the crowd is especially douche-alicious. (I just made that word up!) The people there are the kind that jump backwards (OUCH! MY TOES!), stand in the one spot where I had a shot at a glimpse at the top of the performer's head and then bounce back and forth so no matter where I relocate they are still always RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF ME, and scream into their cell phones the entire show ("OMG! THIS SHOW IS SOOO GOOD! YOU SHOULD BE HERE! WTF!!!! OH THIS SONG IS SOOOOO GOOOOOD! SQUEEEEE!") Maybe I'd like to hear this "so good" song without your commentary being screamed into my ear, you fucking asshole.

    (Sorry. Do you allow curse words on your blog? Sorry.)

  28. I haven't vacummed my bedroom in three years. The dustbunnies behind the bed are going to attack one day.

    PS. I put Doritos on my peanut butter sandwiches!