Tuesday, 26 January 2010
And Ride The Wobbly Wave Of Fame
I worry. A lot. I worry about everything, all the time. It's a struggle for me, when in the midst of yet another meltdown, to figure out if my anxiety is justified or if it's just the crazy taking over my brain. Sometimes I sort it out quickly (like last night when Shawn forgot to tell me to turn right until we were halfway through the intersection and I started to hyperventilate because I didn't know the area we were driving in and he was supposed to be my navigator and what kind of navigator tells you to turn right when you're halfway through the intersection? But then I made it through the intersection and pulled a u-turn and headed in the right direction. Crisis averted. Universe intact.) But then there are times when life tilts on its side a little and I think that maybe all my anxiety is completely reasonable but there's no way to tell, not for now at least, not for a while, so what do I do? I sit here and I fret and I bite my nails and I write vague things on the internet because writing in detail would make things seem too real. I'm feeling wobbly today is what I'm saying.
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I totally feel you on this one. I have some minor anger issues, and because I'm aware of it, I tend to over-analyze my anger. I can't just experience the feelings, I also have to worry about whether the feelings are truly justified or if I'm blowing it out of proportion. Which only makes me crazier.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better!
I hear you when it comes to anxiety (and just posted about it). I hope you manage to get yours under control and either way know we're here to read the postsand emphathize, vague or not.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to email any time you need some support! I totally feel you, and actually just made an appointment with my doc to talk with her about my anxiety. It's not unmanageable, but I've been dealing with debilitating stress headaches for a couple of weeks now. I figure I have a doctor for a reason, so I should go talk to her.
ReplyDeleteI *love* being vague on my blog. Mostly, because no one can do anything about it.
ReplyDeleteA friend once told me "your mystique clashes with my bluntness". I took it as a compliment.
So vague-on. Reminds me that we're all going through stuff we sometimes just can't explain thoroughly!
i am slowly discovering that there is no bar, no normal, no line to cross for what justifies one's crazy. it cannot be charted or graphed or captured. understandably there is a point where one requires hospitilization or medical attention for their disorders, but for those who lead "normal" lives, there is no baseline. we all have our own bits of madness inside. somedays its louder than others. other days it hibernates. its on the loud days that the discombulation takes over and we feel it will not go away. but just remember that there will be good days and that in a year, the anxiety you experienced over missing that turn will not matter.
ReplyDeleteremember you are loved.
remember you are not alone.
remember you are hillary.
love.
You need a nice long bath and a drink girl!
ReplyDeleteI am vague on the internet too...but sometimes I wish I could be more direct, more open, more to the point.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm saying is that you can e-mail me anytime you need to vent, or talk; I'm just a few clicks away.
hello! i am here giving you a big strong internet hug to help support any wobbliness i can. let me know if there's anything else that would help unwobbly you further :-)
ReplyDelete{{{Hills}}}
ReplyDeleteI've been lucky enough *knock wood* to mostly avoid the worry/anxiety gene that runs in my family (sister has it, mom has it) and have only had a few times when anxiety got the better of me. One of them happened recently, when we were in California for Christmas, and it scared the crap out of me. I hope things look up soon and I'm sorry you are feeling so wobbly.
Oh, lovely Hillary, big hugs to you. I don't know what's normal and what's too much and what's justifiable. I know I'd have huge hysteria if asked to turn in the middle of an intersection. I need way-ahead directions. Hugs hugs hugs and if I can do anything for you, I will. You are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteVague is fine ... just so long as it doesn't involve you not blogging anymore. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm a panicker too. Deep breaths, love. And a big hug from me!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how this feels. I walk a fine line between feeling like I'm nuts and thinking my nuttiness is justified. I'm here if you ever want to chat. Hang in there, lady!
ReplyDeleteLady? I've got so much love for you and all your crazy. Mostly because it's also my crazy.
ReplyDeleteJust remember to breathe. Close your eyes and breathe.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you and let me know if there is anything you need.
I know all too well.
ReplyDeleteSending mad love to the you.
I know that feeling, and it sucks. It was a lot easier to keep the freak-outs in check after I hit age 30, for some reason, but every once in a while it gets out of hand and I fucking lose it. It's really charming. And a constant struggle. I understand.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who had an anxiety disorder for years, you sound a lot like I used to be. I adore you, and there is another way to live, miss. If you ever want to talk, about practical "how can I get this in hand" stuff, I'm right here. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are wobbly. I have a lot of anxiety at times too. I don't know if I have actual Anxiety anxiety, or if I'm just a worrier. I hope things calm down for you.
ReplyDeleteFeeling wobbly is natural. It happens to everyone at some point in time. You just need to figure out whether you can right yourself on your own or whether it's worth talking to a professional about this tilt. You're allowed to do that, you know.
ReplyDeleteYou're also allowed to email me anytime you want to discuss something you cannot blog about. That's not me being nosy, that's me being here if you ever need me.
Thinking of you. That's all. I have no advice to offer because I'm not good at that. But I'm thinking of you.
ReplyDelete