Wednesday, 15 April 2009

How Come I Still Can't Open This Letter

Dear Vancouver Canucks,

Congratulations on winning the Northwest Division title! It was a pleasant surprise after you missed last year's playoffs (by only three points! that's only one win and one tie!) due to losing seven of the last nine games of the season. Let's make this year count, okay? It's difficult to be a Canucks fan sometimes. You're not the most consistent team; this season there were high highs (fighting for the last few wins of the season to steal the division title from Calgary by two measly points, heck yes!) and low lows (let's not talk about January's dismal record.) So, Vancouver Canucks, playoffs start tonight. Please, PLEASE, don't fuck this up.


PS: Please don't play tonight like you played last week when Colorado was in town. I was booing the Colorado bench in this shot but as it turns out, I could have been booing your lazy performance.

The game sucked but we had the bitchingest (it's a word) seats ever, thanks to a friend who couldn't use her tickets. We were in the second row, right beside the bench, and the only thing that could have made it cooler was if the Canucks had managed to win.

* * * * *

Dear Next Door Neighbour Whom (Who?) I Rarely See and Who Intimidates The Shite Out of Me,

This morning as I got out of the elevator and said "have a good done", what I really meant to say was "have a good day." But you were saying "have a good day" so I switched to "have a good one" mid-sentence. And came out with "have a good done." I'm sorry. I will try to be less creepy next time.

Respectfully - and awkwardly! - yours,

* * * * *

Dear 3carnations,

The Snack Taxis arrived yesterday. Thank you! Stella has already claimed the small one for her dog biscuits (the majority of the ziploc bags we use are for holding peanut butter treats to bribe the puppies with when we're out in public.) I've claimed the big one for healthy snacks to take to work with me. And by "healthy snacks" I mean "pretzels and chocolate chips" (what? it's kind of like trail mix.)

Thanks again,

* * * * *

Dear Trish,

The plan was to finish making these last year when Fraser was born. Clearly that did not pan out.

I am really happy that I was able to complete these and very ashamed that it took me so long. The reason I took a break from sewing was because Stella was such a rambunctious pup and having needles around seemed like a bad idea. We got Stella over a year ago. I am lame.

Now that they're finished, I hope to mail them to you before your sons go off to university. Knowing my track record, it does not look hopeful.

Shamefully yours,

* * * * *

Dear Wolfgang,

I know that you hate wearing the cone. I get it. I would hate wearing the cone. It's just one more week though buddy, and then you can take it off. In the meantime, if you could stop biting me every time I came near you, I would really appreciate it. I have little bruises all over my legs from where the cone hits me every time you go in for the kill.

I still love you, just a little less right now.

The One Who Feeds You So You Better Shape Up or Ship Out
(and I officially just turned into my dad with that statement)


  1. I'm glad you and your dog like the Snack Taxis. We are getting a lot more use out of the small one than the big one. But...I could carry massive amounts of snacks in that big one, couldn't I? I should get right on that...

    Nothing much more awkward than when your words get twisted in what should be a simple exchange. Sometimes correcting yourself just makes it weirder.

  2. At least the Canucks managed to make it to the playoffs.

    Stupid Oilers. *spit

    The game that the Boy and I went to, the Oilers lost 10-2. It was sickening.

  3. Those are awesome seats! It must have been so much fun to be so close. Sorry they didn't win, but at least they made it to the playoffs. Let's not even discuss the Atlanta Thrashers...

  4. I'm using the word "bitchingest" from now on.

    Hope Wolfgang is in tip-top shape soon! I wouldn't like to have cone around my neck. ;)

  5. Those seats are amazing!

    This post just made me giggle all the way through. So, thanks for that!

  6. Those seats really are great. And that's a great letter to the canucks. I really do hope they don't fuck this up.

  7. Dear Hillary Cheering for the Canucks:

    I'll see you at the Stanley Cup.

    SoMi's Not Really Cheering for but It Sure Sounded Good Blackhawks Nilsa

  8. Hillary! I did not know you were crafty! I'll place my mermanda order shortly. xo

  9. I love these posts.

    And the Canucks. FINALLY they're making me proud.

    Envious of the sweet seats, dude.

  10. My dog was just castrated as well. he's not a happy camper...

    I think he's putting on weight :-(

  11. oooooh! what are snack taxis made out of? how do you clean them? one of my crafty friends sent me abeego snack wraps, which are similar but made of fabric treated with bees wax, which totally thrills the part of my brain that thinks plastic will give me cancer, but totally terrifies the part of my brain that needs to pour boiling water on things to clean them (i'm assuming this would melt the wax). and, hills, since i know you're the same way (at least about steralising things), i know i can trust you to tell me if i should look into these snack taxis. and if anyone has any ideas about how to clean bees wax...

  12. Ahhh! They're gorgeous!!!! Cory sent me an email today saying "you have to see Hillary's blog - scroll through the pictures!" and now I know why.

    And don't feel bad they're late - so's your wedding present. There's that rule that a gift isn't late until a year after the wedding but I think we're taking that too literally...