How Come I Still Can't Open This Letter

Dear Vancouver Canucks,

Congratulations on winning the Northwest Division title! It was a pleasant surprise after you missed last year's playoffs (by only three points! that's only one win and one tie!) due to losing seven of the last nine games of the season. Let's make this year count, okay? It's difficult to be a Canucks fan sometimes. You're not the most consistent team; this season there were high highs (fighting for the last few wins of the season to steal the division title from Calgary by two measly points, heck yes!) and low lows (let's not talk about January's dismal record.) So, Vancouver Canucks, playoffs start tonight. Please, PLEASE, don't fuck this up.

Love,
Hillary

PS: Please don't play tonight like you played last week when Colorado was in town. I was booing the Colorado bench in this shot but as it turns out, I could have been booing your lazy performance.


The game sucked but we had the bitchingest (it's a word) seats ever, thanks to a friend who couldn't use her tickets. We were in the second row, right beside the bench, and the only thing that could have made it cooler was if the Canucks had managed to win.

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Dear Next Door Neighbour Whom (Who?) I Rarely See and Who Intimidates The Shite Out of Me,

This morning as I got out of the elevator and said "have a good done", what I really meant to say was "have a good day." But you were saying "have a good day" so I switched to "have a good one" mid-sentence. And came out with "have a good done." I'm sorry. I will try to be less creepy next time.

Respectfully - and awkwardly! - yours,
Hillary

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Dear 3carnations,

The Snack Taxis arrived yesterday. Thank you! Stella has already claimed the small one for her dog biscuits (the majority of the ziploc bags we use are for holding peanut butter treats to bribe the puppies with when we're out in public.) I've claimed the big one for healthy snacks to take to work with me. And by "healthy snacks" I mean "pretzels and chocolate chips" (what? it's kind of like trail mix.)

Thanks again,
Hillary

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Dear Trish,

The plan was to finish making these last year when Fraser was born. Clearly that did not pan out.

I am really happy that I was able to complete these and very ashamed that it took me so long. The reason I took a break from sewing was because Stella was such a rambunctious pup and having needles around seemed like a bad idea. We got Stella over a year ago. I am lame.

Now that they're finished, I hope to mail them to you before your sons go off to university. Knowing my track record, it does not look hopeful.

Shamefully yours,
Hillary

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Dear Wolfgang,

I know that you hate wearing the cone. I get it. I would hate wearing the cone. It's just one more week though buddy, and then you can take it off. In the meantime, if you could stop biting me every time I came near you, I would really appreciate it. I have little bruises all over my legs from where the cone hits me every time you go in for the kill.

I still love you, just a little less right now.

From,
The One Who Feeds You So You Better Shape Up or Ship Out
(and I officially just turned into my dad with that statement)