Monday, 6 April 2009

Arrogant To Flaunt It Since We Fell In Love With A Bad Idea

I had just gotten over the aches and pains and gastrointestinal distress of last week's stomach flu when I felt a cold coming on. The aches and pains are back, paired with an unbearably sore throat and punishing cough. Not to be confused with my allergies, which are causing sinus pressure like you wouldn't believe and the itchiest of itchy eyes. I realize that this is all sounding very waaah poor fucking me and my stupid achy body but you know what? I am feeling very waaah poor fucking me and my stupid achy body. So, uh, sorry?

I dragged myself into work this morning because I was unsure if my deathly-ill coworker would make it in or not. My boss came in shortly after I did and he was in a mood so I tried to steer clear of him. My deathly-ill coworker followed soon after that, still deathly ill, and she was also in a mood. Fun times. I found out later that both moods were caused by my deathly-ill coworker trying to (legitimately) call in sick and being told that it didn't matter how sick she was, she was working today.  Work was tense, today. More tense than it usually is.

So today was rough, to say the least. Exacerbated by the fact that Shawn and I are a bit touchy right now (I know my monthiversary post is a little late this month but honestly, if I tried to write it right now it would look a little like this:

Dear Shawn,

Happy 8 Monthiversary

I kind of want to stab you in the ear right now.

Love Hillary)

So yes, Monday sucked. I was sick, I was tired, I was feeling a little blue, so what did I do? I got a fucking hair cut. 

I have gone to the same stylist for years now. Since I started seeing him he's moved and I've moved and it's now a 45 minute drive (each way!) to get my hair done. Which means that I normally skip the in-between hair cuts and just get it done when I get my highlights done. Which, since becoming all frugal and shite, hasn't been since before the wedding. Yes, I've got 9-month old roots happening people and it is sex-ay. Every time I see this guy, Turtle tells me to be strong. Don't buckle. Don't get the most fucking expensive thing done to my hair and every time I go, I call her afterwards and cry because I drove a long fucking way and it took forever and he managed to talk me into the full head of highlights again (every time I go, he comments on how "mousy" my natural colour is) and I spent 200 fucking dollars. And it looks baaaad. So today I went to a shop nearby. A shop where you can't even make an appointment, you just go in and whoever is available cuts your hair. There is no complimentary coffee and no soothing soundtrack but what it lacks in ambiance it makes up for in frugality. I tipped 25% and my total was still only $20. Twenty dollars!

Anyway, not only did I decide that a haircut in my fragile state was a Great! Idea!, I also decided that today - TODAY - was the day for bangs. I have not had bangs since I was ten years old and I accidentally got my friend's round brush stuck in the front portion of my hair and had to cut it off. And that doesn't really count because it wasn't real bangs, just a large chunk of really short hair that stood straight up. Good lord, I just realized that I had a fucking mullet. Hmm. I'm going to have to try to find pictures of this. 

Right. So Bad Idea #1 was going to get a haircut when I was already pissed off and weepy. Bad Idea #2 was requesting bangs. Bad Idea #3 was eating two ice cream sandwiches for dinner but I'm not sorry about that one. Fuck. I'm going to go cuddle my puppies now. They don't care how stupid my hair looks. 


  1. Dear Hillary,
    I think you're super cute, and I can't imagine that your bangs and hair look stupid. Remember the flippy weather-lady 'do?
    Ice cream sandwiches=perfectly rounded meal on shitty ass Mondays.
    Kisses to the puppies!
    Your Secret Admirer (teehee)
    PS How was the game last night???

  2. 1) i am sorry you are feeling so poorly. maybe you'll be too sick to have to go to easter family time.
    2) you know it costs more than $200; your pants are on fire.
    3) he did your low lights too dark and you just looked too contrast-y. and he never listened to you when you told him to do something different. why pay for that?
    4) our hair is mousy. whatever. who are you trying to impress with your multi-dimensional hair?
    5) i have a photo of you in a bouncy castle at expo 86 - with the mullet. mmmmm, yeah. if anyone comments on your roots, just flash that.
    6) safeway brand chocolate ice cream with moose tracks fudge ripple and peanut butter cups. go find some.

  3. dude I was 4 years old at Expo 86 - a mullet is totally acceptable if you're 4 years old
    the mullet I'm talking about is that time that I wanted to see what I would like with bangs so I put a shitload of hair gel in my hair and rolled it up in a round brush. and then the round brush got stuck and dad was living in germany and mom was at the fowler's house (yes, I remember it that well - it was a very traumatizing event) and we still hated each other so I was ALL ALONE and I had to cut the brush out. and I was left with a sad little tuft of hair at the front of my face and the rest of my hair was long. do you have any pictures of THAT mullet? you would have been thirteen or so.

  4. Oh wow.

    That is a shitty day.

    Puppy cuddles make everyting better though. :)

  5. Ice cream for dinner is practically required following a shitty day.

    And how much do I HATE IT whenever deathly ill coworkers come to work (either because they are forced to, or feel compelled to out of weird, work-related martyrdom)? A LOT. A LOT is how much I hate it.

  6. At least you got all the suckiness out of the way on Monday. The rest of your week should be phenomenal. And if it's not, you just let me know whose face I need to rearrange. I'm there for ya.

  7. Let's just revel in our mullety glow together. :) Feel better soon, kiddo.

  8. i'm going to need to see a picture of both the New Bangs AND the 13 Year Old Mullet please. thank you.

  9. Wellllll, sorry. I am certain you are still absolutely gorgeous. But that feels terrible.

  10. Ice cream sammies make for excellent dinners and breakfasts. Hope you feel better soon!

  11. I have to admit that I kind of like the letter to Shawn - it made me laugh :)

  12. I, too, was quite enamoured of your letter to Shawn.

    And I think making really sick people come to work is about the stupidest management decision ever - because then you end up with MORE SICK PEOPLE, duh.

    I hope you and your new bangs feel better soon.

  13. I always ponder going back to bangs, but thankfully my husband talks me out of it. I bet you look super cute with them.

    I love your honesty about your marriage. It isn't always puppy dogs (pardon the pun) and rainbows, and no one ever seems to admit that. If I were in BC this weekend, I'd take you to Hell's Kitchen to cheer you up :)

  14. Firstly, whenever you say you look like shite, you look beautiful. So shut up and post a photo!!!!!! Your face could totally rock the bangs. My face? Could totally rock a paper bag. Zits? I has them.

    Secondly, keeping with tradition, please send me a photo so I can photoshop it into a background, suitable for the hairstyle. We may have to e-mail to decide a "theme."

    Thirdly, I, too, have wanted to wield ye ol' knife in da ear method in the past few days. Good thing all of our cutlery is still packed in boxes and I just have the plastic picnic crap.

  15. Sorry you're feeling so crappy. I hope it gets better soon! Allergies and colds are just pure evil; I've been fighting them too.

    I'm sure your hair still looks great. It always takes a few days to adjust to your new look! I'm sure by the end of the week you'll be loving it! =)

  16. Dear Hills

    You crack me up

    get better soon...

    love me xxx

  17. you’re so funny you tit head!

    chin up and drink some beer and get better soon!

    Love you and your fucking hilarious messages to that boy of yours!

  18. Ack! You poor thing. I'm hating your boss right now. Very, VERY much.

    Hope you feel better soon. I'm sure your hair does not look bad at all! I don't think it could. :)

  19. I just made an analogy between hot toddies and bangs, but then deleted it because it was a retarded analogy, and really, the internet is better off without it. I hope you feel better soon.

  20. Man, that's a bad fucking day. Poor Hillary.