Dear Wolfgang,
In order to make life easier for both of us, I feel I should clarify a few things with you.
First of all, the next time you pee on my bed, you're headed back to the farm from whence you came. I am not kidding. The first few times it happened I let it go with minimal angst. You were very young and very tiny and I was stupid for expecting you to have the bladder capacity of Stella. I instigated a No Wolfgang on the Bed rule and life returned to normal.
Over the last month, we've made great strides in the housebreaking department. You have had fewer accidents and finally seemed to realize that peeing outside = peanut butter treats and extra love. Life was getting good, Wolfgang, for both of us.
Until last night. Last night you were allowed to play with Stella on the bed while I read my book.
And you peed.
On the bed.
This has got to stop. If you can't grasp this simple concept (bed = no pee) you will be confined to your crate (aka the one place you have not yet peed in.)
Which brings me to my next point. Your crate is your safe place. It is spacious and comfortable and has an assortment of blankets and toys. The rule is that you go into your crate when we go to bed, seeing as you can't be trusted to not pee all over the damn place. This means that when you need to pee during the night, I have to get up to let you out. Which I don't mind doing at all. I understand that you're small and you have a small bladder and you need to have a nighttime pee. What I don't understand is why you felt the need to wake me up at 1am, 3am, and 6am this morning. You managed to squeak out a bit of pee at 1am and 3am (and then immediately run to the treat container for your reward) but by 6am you had given up the ruse. When I opened your crate, you didn't run to the door but instead ran to your food bowl and wagged your tail. You're cute Wolfgang, but you're not that cute.
Next week you will be six months old. Two weeks after that, you are having the operation that I'm hoping will solve all of our pee woes. I'm not sure what I will do if you continue to mark your territory after the operation. Most likely, I will cry a lot and write nasty letters to you on the internet. Scary, I know.
Love (though I am discovering that my love for you is conditional),
Mama
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Does this mean you will have to put newspapers all over the place?! Oh Wolfgang, stop giving your mama such a hard time!
ReplyDeleteThe bed pee is the absolute worst. THE WORST. We had a rampant show of disgust when we stopped picking up poop in the yard since..you know..it's winter and all. Calvin stopped using the washroom in the yard because 'oooo it's so grooosss' and then went on the bed a few times to get his point across.
ReplyDeleteSo I punched him.
Poor Wolfgang and his tiny bladder! And poor Hillary for having to clean up after him :( Maybe he needs diapers.
ReplyDeleteOh puppehs. It's all fun and games until someone pees on the bed.
ReplyDeleteLindsay's comment reminds me of something Andrew shared with me for the first time two nights ago. When we first started dating, he thought I wore a diaper. Seriously. He THOUGHT I WORE A DIAPER. Apparently, he gave me a playful spank one day and it made weird "smushy diaper" noise. Um, hello. Have you ever heard of a freaking pad?!
ReplyDeleteBoys.
P.S. Wolfgang, get your shit together.
I swear, puppies are so freaking lucky that they are cute.
ReplyDeleteomg i'm dying at mermanda's comment!!!
ReplyDeleteif it makes you feel better, my cat threw up on my purse the other day. i feel your pain.
I'm so glad you're trying to train him, though. I knew someone with a dog once who never bothered to housebreak him, so he just peed all over the house wherever and whenever he pleased, and it was GROSS.
ReplyDeleteI hope he gets better after the big ball snip, too.
Oh how this post makes me so happy we adopted a one-year old very potty trained dog. I'm thinking we might skip over the babies, too, and go right to the toddlers. What? The plan has worked stellar for us so far!
ReplyDeletePuppy bed wetting is so not cool. I hope he gets his little act together soon for your sake!
ReplyDeleteI am also dying from Mermanda's comment. Too funny!
I'm with SoMi's Nilsa... I'm all about adopting a 1 year old dog, and 3 year old kids. No poopy diapers for me!
ReplyDeleteThis is a male dog, right? My 15 year old male dog has special "pants" he wears in the house, as he has decided that he is old enough to STOP being potty trained (in the number 1 department, anyway). Those things have made our lives SO MUCH EASIER.
ReplyDeleteOhhhh noooo! Bed peeing! Yikes! That would definitely make me want to send him to the farm, cute or no.
ReplyDeleteAll the dogs we had growing up (except the first one, but she was a puppy when I was a baby) were a year or two old when we adopted them. And all housebroken. When we get a dog, I want a pound dog, and I absolutely want one that is already housebroken. But this makes me think, man, if I don't have the patience to housebreak a dog, how the eff am I going to deal with a kid???
Ah, doggy manipulation at its finest! After my trip to Vancouver I'm assuming you live in a place where you have to take the dog out for a walk. I think it's harder to potty train when you can't just let them out the back door.
ReplyDeleteThanks again for all of your suggestions. We did most of them, and all but one (Gastown) we LOVED! Your suggestions definitely made our trip.
My darling daughter is no long a baby but for the past month has been waking at 2am and 4am and then up and 6am - I’ll forgive her because she’s not been well – I will not however forgive the effing cat that decided to ruin the 1 night that Connie decided to sleep through by taking a massive smelly shite right by the side of the bed at 4am! Umm thanks nice.... ‘cooking fat’!
ReplyDeleteoh my god, i will KILL the cats if they do that. YOU HEAR THAT, CATS?
ReplyDeleteWhen we moved here, we got two farm cats. They shat (Yes, it's a word) upon our bed. More than once.
ReplyDeleteThey went back to the farm.
oh man i wouldn't be a fan of a dog peeing in my bed, oy.
ReplyDeleteWaldi is a excited pee'r. When we come home he squirts just a little...we need to break him of this habit, he tends to hang out on the bed when we go home.
ReplyDeleteDamn, if only he weren't so freaking cute!
ReplyDelete