S and I met with the event coordinator for our reception venue last night. We have now officially started the six month countdown to our wedding.
It was nice to see the venue again, to reinforce that it is what we want (we met a bit of resistance from the parents when we announced the reception would be held in an Irish pub.) Last night's meeting also solved the problem of where to hold the ceremony. Instead of having it at another location (not so convenient considering half of our guests are out-of-towners) we will be having it at the pub. Which doesn't sound as classy as it actually is. The pub is actually a 3-story pub/restaurant with a gorgeous rooftop patio. We are going to have the ceremony / cocktail hour up on the rooftop patio and then move down into the restaurant section for dinner. It's a gorgeous space - high ceilings, exposed beams, lovely light fixtures, and no over-the-top Irish! Pub! decorations. It's casual and comfortable and exactly what S and I wanted. There's a stage area where S and his friends will play music for the rock portion of the night. There's a large dance floor and a dj who will take over when S and the boys want a break from playing. We came away from the meeting feeling really confident in our decision and reassured that everything seems to be on track.
And then ... the crazy took over. The next step is signing a contract, putting down a deposit, sending out invitations - all very non-reversible things. I know (hope?) it's normal to have doubts but ever since last night I can't stop the crazy from taking over my thoughts. I love S and I know he loves me. So why am I worried about firming up the wedding plans? When S asked me to marry him, it wasn't an impetuous decision. He thought long and hard about asking me and I thought long and hard about accepting. Since getting engaged we've bought a home together, we got a puppy together - both long-term actions that we wanted to do together. Yet here I am, worried that maybe we're not going to last, that maybe we shouldn't get married because S isn't the best fit for me and I'm not the best fit for him. I constantly over-analyse every situation I'm in, so it shouldn't be surprising that I'm over-thinking this. This is what I do. I think too much, I obsess over every detail, every possible outcome, and at some point the crazy is exhausted and I move on. I'm just worried that this time the crazy will win.