Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Now I'm Crazy For You But Not That Crazy

S and I met with the event coordinator for our reception venue last night. We have now officially started the six month countdown to our wedding.

It was nice to see the venue again, to reinforce that it is what we want (we met a bit of resistance from the parents when we announced the reception would be held in an Irish pub.) Last night's meeting also solved the problem of where to hold the ceremony. Instead of having it at another location (not so convenient considering half of our guests are out-of-towners) we will be having it at the pub. Which doesn't sound as classy as it actually is. The pub is actually a 3-story pub/restaurant with a gorgeous rooftop patio. We are going to have the ceremony / cocktail hour up on the rooftop patio and then move down into the restaurant section for dinner. It's a gorgeous space - high ceilings, exposed beams, lovely light fixtures, and no over-the-top Irish! Pub! decorations. It's casual and comfortable and exactly what S and I wanted. There's a stage area where S and his friends will play music for the rock portion of the night. There's a large dance floor and a dj who will take over when S and the boys want a break from playing. We came away from the meeting feeling really confident in our decision and reassured that everything seems to be on track.

And then ... the crazy took over. The next step is signing a contract, putting down a deposit, sending out invitations - all very non-reversible things. I know (hope?) it's normal to have doubts but ever since last night I can't stop the crazy from taking over my thoughts. I love S and I know he loves me. So why am I worried about firming up the wedding plans? When S asked me to marry him, it wasn't an impetuous decision. He thought long and hard about asking me and I thought long and hard about accepting. Since getting engaged we've bought a home together, we got a puppy together - both long-term actions that we wanted to do together. Yet here I am, worried that maybe we're not going to last, that maybe we shouldn't get married because S isn't the best fit for me and I'm not the best fit for him. I constantly over-analyse every situation I'm in, so it shouldn't be surprising that I'm over-thinking this. This is what I do. I think too much, I obsess over every detail, every possible outcome, and at some point the crazy is exhausted and I move on. I'm just worried that this time the crazy will win.


  1. i'm EXACTLY like you...an overthinker and overanalyzer. the ONLY thing in my life i did ona whim was marry the husband...and we'll be married 10 years this may...so, maybe it's best for you NOT to overthink this time!! ;)

  2. Oh, Hillary--you didn't need to drop my name in your post--Thank you so much! :-)

    Your venue sounds so.damn.cool.

    As far as the worry? Totally and completely normal. Kind of the Buyer's Remorse syndrome. And as far as you and S not being a perfect fit? That's what will make your marriage that much better--more exciting. You'll bring to the table what he left in the kitchen and vice versa.

    I'm from the school of thought that the toughest puzzles to put together are the most satisfying to finish...and if a piece doesn't fit perfectly, just bend the corners a bit.

  3. Your wedding venue sounds awesome!! :)

    Don't freak yourself out because everyone goes through that "what if we don't make it?" moment. I've been dating my fiancĂ© for 8 years and want to marry him more than anything, but still feel a little pang of what if...especially since divorce is so prevalent these days. Don’t let other people’s lack of the ability to stick it out for the long term make you doubt your ability to. You don't have to be a perfect fit to be the perfect match!

    Happy weekend!

  4. i just randomly found your blog from a comment you left on someone else's. really enjoy reading you.

    I got married last May and I didn't actually have a lot of those thoughts before we got married. No, I had them AFTER. for like 4 months I had "buyer's remorse" as over-thinker called it. I'm fine now, we're fine now...but it's SOOO normal. and just for the record...no one is a perfect fit except in the movies. I swear. it's true.