Tuesday, 30 March 2010

And I Wanna Be Everywhere Twice This Machine Is So Mature It's So Much Your Type

I am 27 years old and I have to close my eyes while having blood drawn. It's not enough to avert my eyes; no, I have to squeeze them shut and turn my head and count to 100 - out loud - and remind myself to breathe.

I am 27 years old and I cry when the old lady in the next room openly mocks me for being such a baby about having blood drawn. I think hateful things about her and then later come to the realization that yes, being old does give you free reign to be an asshole, a privilege I intend to take full advantage of once I am shriveled enough.

I am 27 years old and I still take my mom with me to the scary doctors appointments. I say it's only because she insisted that she drive me and it means that I won't miss as much work because I don't have to use public transit, but that's a lie. My mother's fretting allows me to be calm, something I am incapable of when I'm alone.

I am 27 years old and I still get an Easter basket full of chocolate treats (from the Easter Bunny, of course); I still cover my ears and shut my eyes during the scary parts; I still laugh when one of the pups humps the other pup; I still worry about what other people think of me; I still call my dad when things get rough; I still eat a disgraceful amount of mac & cheese; I still look up to my older sister; I still dream about what I want to be when I grow up.

This week has been a bit grim, peeps, but your stories of your own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days are making me smile (not that I'm laughing at your misfortune ... promise!) Keep them coming - the winner of the mooooosetash cupcake toppers will be announced on Friday.


  1. I just wrote a massive message - and it didn't save it coz blogger is a bitch!

    fuck it

    basic theme of what i was saying is - if my mum lived close to me I'd take her to every smear test - i cry before i've even opened my legs

    ps - today is a day to be celebrated....

    ...today is 'Two L's in your outlook in-box day' - having finally figured out how to RRS feed - wooohoooo

    have missed out on so much - but back woooohoooooo

  2. I don't watch scary movies. Really! I am also older than 27.

    I got upset during How to Train Your Dragon! I was that worried for the Dragon! My child was laughing at me. He also told on me and acted out how I behaved in the theater for family later on. It was lovely.


    Ultra sounds are no big deal, I promise.

  3. My friend, I have had a baby come out of my body via the brewster, and the most cringe-inducing part of it for me was (NO LIE) when they had to draw a few vials of blood immediately afterwards. That shit ain't no joke.

    And if I ever get to the point where I DON'T laugh at dogs humping? Just go ahead and push me down the stairs.

  4. I still close my eyes at the scary parts and call my dad when things get rough, too. And if it makes you feel better, I passed out when I got my first IV!!

    PS. I have trouble with Blogger deleting comments before they're posted too!

  5. I dont even watch the scary movies so there are no scary parts to hide from. Even if I hide I get nightmares.

    Proud of you for surviving your blood test - bitchy tech and all. :)

  6. I have to look away with the blood. I wish my mom could go with me to doctor's appointments. And I cannot watch scary movies.

    In non-scary movies, or TV shows, for that matter, I still close my eyes and cover my ears if there are really suspenseful parts. If Nick knows the ending, I beg him to tell me. Because if things are not going to be OK, I don't want to watch.

    And I hope my mama makes me an Easter basket this year...

    Hugs to you, hunny (Easter) bunny!

  7. I'm almost 30, and am exactly the same. I avoid scary movies like the plague, because I scare very easily. I panic when getting blood drawn too. And sometimes nothing helps more than to cry on the phone to my mom or dad. You're definitely not alone! :)

  8. I think one of the beautiful things about growing up is being able to face your faults and quirks and embrace them.

  9. Oh miss, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all of this! But I'm glad that you don't have to be brave- being brave is completely over rated. Having your parents there is 1000 times better =)

  10. Ummm hi did you know we're twins? Because I hate getting blood drawn, and also close my eyes. I used to call my parents into the room for every shot. When I got my wisdom teeth out I made my fiance (now husband) stay in the room with me when I was getting the Novocaine. I hate scary movies, and always close my eyes at the bad parts. And my mom gave me an Easter basket this week - and we're Jewish!!

  11. my dad still mails me an easter basket every year, and i'm 29 :-)

  12. I'm nearly 27, and I do almost all these things, too. Hang in there, kid.

  13. Sorry your week has been grim, Hills.

    (I get scared watching cartoons, if that makes you feel better.)

  14. I keep reading "i cry before i've even opened my legs" in the first comment as "I cry every time I open my legs". Then I think how very awkward that could be for your mom.

    That is all.