Monday, 14 January 2008

Rain Rain Go Away

An Open Letter to Umbrella Users in Vancouver

Hello fellow Vancouverite. Isn't this rain horrible? Isn't it cold and wet and dreary outside? Don't you just want to stay inside and read a book? Me too. I don't want to have to go outside to get to work but, just like you, I have to venture out into the storm. So let's try to make this easier on each other, shall we? It's bad enough that I have to go to work on this grey Monday morning. I don't want to add umbrella-rage to my list of grievances.

So here are a few suggestions to make our commutes a bit less heinous:

The Golfer
Are you planning to get a round in at lunch? Are you holding the umbrella for a family of 8? Will you melt if touched by a single drop of rain? No? Then leave the golf umbrella at home. If your umbrella is wider than you are tall, you should not be carrying that umbrella downtown.

The Dry Space Hog
Normally I am a stickler for the "walk to the right" rule. Getting places downtown would be so much quicker if people would just walk to the freaking right. There is an exception to this rule, however, that exception being the "dry space" rule. If it's raining out and you're lucky enough to have remembered your umbrella, do not walk to the extreme right if this means you are walking under a canopy. Walking under canopies or building ledges is reserved for people without umbrellas. If you have an umbrella, you are fortunate to have your very own, portable dry space. Walking under a canopy when you are already dry is a bit redundant, not to mention selfish.

The Aggressor
Maybe instead of barreling down the sidewalk like you're the only person important enough to use it, you could try to be a bit more considerate of others. Umbrellas have pointy ends. If you get a pointy end in the face because someone is too rude to tilt their umbrella away from you when you pass, it hurts (and sometimes bleeds.) Umbrellas are big (see The Golfer.) Sidewalks are narrow. A little tilt of the wrist and 2 people can pass each other without bloodshed.

The Oblivious Opener
You exit a building, step out into the flow of foot traffic, realize it's raining, and ... stop. Right smack dab in the middle of the crush of people who are trying to get where they're going. Perhaps instead of doing your fumbling in the middle of the sidewalk, you could open your umbrella in a less crowded area.

If everyone could be a little more umbrella conscious, I'm sure that we can keep umbrella-rage incidents to a minimum.


1 comment:

  1. Oooo...just reading about the Dry Space Hog made me mad!

    Side thought: My husband and I were walking downtown on the way to a baseball game. It was pouring. I had brought one of those pocket umbrellas from the backseat of my car. My husband said, "Oh good-thinking!" I opened it up. It had a cartoony drawing of a lady walking some poodles around the bottom of it. He said, "Uh, nevermind, I'd rather not."

    Hey buddy, beggars can't be choosers.