Jumping Music Swift D.J.s Smoke Machines And Laser Rays

I'm having laser eye surgery in two hours. I am feeling a bit ... jittery. I didn't sleep much last night so I'm relying on caffeine to keep me awake this morning. My coffee/stress diet is always a bad plan but I always resort to it when I'm in survival mode. It's silly but I am in survival mode right now. I feel like I can't tell anyone how scared I am for this surgery because it's something I've chosen to do. It's not necessary. I don't have to do it. Perfect vision is something that I want. I just ... don't want to have to have surgery to get it.

So I'm here. Watching the clock. Wishing away the minutes so that I can go get it over with. Trying not to cry when Shawn makes the "bzzzzz" noise and points at my eyes because he really does think that I'm stronger than I am and that I'm not scared. Which is ridiculous because I'm the lady who hasn't been to the dentist in over two years because of the anxiety attacks that hit as soon as the dentist chair reclines.

The good news it that I went Boxing Day shopping and splurged on new bed stuff. I got a pillow-top mattress pad and new king-sized pillows and a fluffy new duvet and duvet cover. Paired with the new Egyptian-cotton sheets and soft, flannel pyjamas that my mom gave me for Christmas, our bed is somewhere that I'm looking forward to spending the next few days in. Plus there are two kinds of ice cream in my freezer. And a nine-hour audiobook (The Sweetness At the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley) and thirty-five podcasts (You Look Nice Today) on my ipod. I'm as prepared as I can be, is what I'm saying.

You're Just A Poor Misguided Fool Who Thinks They Know What I Should Do

I'm thinking of starting a new series called Misguided Mondays, where I check in Tuesday morning and write about all the stupid shite I did the day before.

Monday's are consistently difficult for me (I know, right? I'm so original.) Work is particularly rough because my boss has worked all weekend (every weekend) with no support so there is always a million deadlines thrown at me as soon as I walk through the door Monday morning. By the time I leave in the evening, my brain is always fried. So of course I come home and do something stupid, like that time I decided to be spontaneous and get my hair cut. And decided that I needed bangs (after not having bangs for ... oh fifteen years or so.)

Onward. Yesterday I had a shitty day (quelle surprise!) On top of work nonsense, I had a really stupid bickery fight with Shawn ... via text message. And I just happen to be feeling bloated and sensitive this week. So. What do I do when I get home? I decide that I should probably start pulling out my summer clothes to prepare for Mexico. Summer clothes that include my bikinis. Bikinis that have not been worn since last summer. Last summer when I was skinny from wedding stress.

And then, because I am the smartest lady ever, I TRIED THE BIKINIS ON. While feeling bloated and stabby. And then I died. The end.

In related news, last night I started the 30 Day Shred and wow, I am a bit hurty today. Also? I kind of find Jillian Michaels really annoying. If I hear "abs like these don't come for free!" one more time, I will likely throw a can of beans at the tv (I'm using beans instead of weights. Not because I don't own weights but because the weights I own (the 5lb weights ... I'm so ashamed) are too heavy.) Apparently I am a weakling. I could only manage to do two push-ups. Two girly push-ups. I rocked the cardio and the abs but anything to do with arms kicked my ass. I'm fairly certain that everyone is doing the shred because I hear about it all the time, so I'm hoping someone can answer this for me: should I move up to the level 2 workout even though my arms are crap? Last night I definitely had a workout, my heart rate was up during the cardio and I was a red, sweaty mess, but I felt like I could have pushed much harder. As far as abs are concerned, I didn't have to stop during the workout last night but I was definitely working as hard as I could. So should I stick with level 1 or move up to level 2?