Thursday, 4 June 2009

Bad Boy Bad Boy Whatcha Gonna Do?

Yesterday started off fabulously.

The puppies didn't start their daily whinefest until after the alarm went off (Wolfgang usually starts a good two hours before the alarm goes off. I don't know why I still love him.)

Shawn woke me up the good way.

My boss is away so I get to wear cool t-shirts to work. Yesterday's said "A city built on rock n' roll would be structurally unsound." It's funny but also really relevant to my job, which brings me joy. (Just to clarify: my job doesn't bring me joy. The t-shirt's relevance to my job brings me joy.)

I got to work and realized it was Camp Day at Tim Horton's (which is just an excuse to buy lots of coffee.) (What? I do it for the kids!)

See? Fabulous!

Things started to get less fabulous around midday.

I went to grab sushi for lunch. The sushi place I go to is set up with coolers filled with prepared rolls on the left and a cash register directly in front of you when you walk in. I've been going to this sushi place for almost four years. As soon as I walk in the door, I check to see if the spot where my roll is kept is empty (and it always is at lunch) and head straight for the cash register to order if it is. There was a lady, an EVIL LADY, faffing all over the cooler when I came in the door. Just as I got to the cash register, she whipped around so that she was directly in front of me with the roll she had just chosen. BLATANT BUDGING! Obviously I couldn't let it go - not after Monday's coffee line budging incident - so I cleared my throat. Loudly. I know, I'm an animal. So I clear my throat in that "let's both just acknowledge that you're an asshole" way and she turns around, not to apologize, but to give me the stink eye. I was thisclose to kicking her in the shin.

I went back to the office and ate my sushi. The sushi tasted a bit ... off. Three hours later, when my guts were trying to escape my body, I realized that maybe when sushi tastes wrong, one should throw it out instead of continuing to eat it. Lesson learned.

Yesterday Nilsa wrote a post on how wonderful her neighbourhood is. I left a comment bemoaning the state of my neighbourhood. She emailed me back and I realized that I had been a bit tough on my neighbourhood. It's really not so bad.

And then I got home from work.

The street in front of my building was full of scary men in body armour. Four large, black trucks filled the street with two police cars crammed in for good measure. There didn't seem to be any sense of urgency - the scary men were just milling about - so I approached the door. I asked one of the men what was going on and he told me not to worry, that my building is now "the safest building" in my city. Ha ha. He wouldn't tell me what had happened though, just that it was resolved now and he couldn't talk about it.

I got into the elevator with two police officers who were headed to the 4th floor. I live on the 4th floor. So of course the crazy sets in and I start to worry that someone has broken into my condo and murdered my puppies. Because murdered puppies warrant 6 police vehicles and no less than 20 police officers. Obviously.

I asked the officers what was going on but they wouldn't tell me anything, just that it was now safe to be in the building.

Dear Police Officers,
Telling a crazy lady that it is now safe to be in her building is not reassuring to her. AT ALL.
Love Hillary

I couldn't find any information online until this morning so I got no sleep last night (though that might have had something to do with the heatwave we're currently experiencing.)

It turns out that someone on the 5th floor was hanging out a window with a pellet rifle so someone called the police. Apparently it looked like a real rifle. I'm unclear on what a pellet rifle is or what one looks like but I'm happy that the entire freaking police force turned out to deal with the situation. I'm also happy that no-one got murdered (especially puppies!) because Shawn left this morning for a four day business trip and I would likely have to spend those four days at my parents' house if I wanted to actually get some sleep.

So to sum up: coffee = good, sushi = bad. Puppies = good, asshats with pellet rifles = bad.


  1. I think the only question that remains here is: Shawn waking you up the good way, is that as sexually charged as it sounds?

  2. holy crap, man.... i'm so glad you figured out what happened, because that would have driven me MAD. although less in an "i can't sleep because i'm worried" way, and more in a "omg i am just so CURIOUS why won't they TELL ME?!??!" way.

  3. lol Oh no! This does sound like it too a turn, and wow about coming home to that scene!! That's so scary - but it's good that the police were right on top of it to that extent. I would have thought that it was my dogs too, no question!

  4. Yikes!

    I'm glad you (and the puppies) are okay.

  5. You say pellet rifles in your neighborhood are bad, while I say they just add a little color to your street. That's all.

    hahaha. Oh my.

  6. I love the term asshat... and the boss being out of the office is always a huge plus to any day.

  7. oy that is quite the day. hope tomorrow is a more balanced good day for ya. without evil ladies and pellet guns.

  8. lol i loved your post...!!! : )

  9. oh yeah, and good to know puppies were not harmed in the making of that scene. : )

    What the hell am i talking about?

    Talking bout crazies and stuff..

    rubbing off i know

  10. Hi Five for bosses being out of the office! Mine is too. For the next week.

    Sorry about the sushi. That really sucks. Hope you're feeling better though.

    And see? Coffee is ALWAYS good. :)

  11. To the lady with the Sushi: "Gee I really love your sense of entitlement, where do I get one of my own?"

    Can't remember where I read that to give proper credit, but that would have been the perfect use for that line.

  12. Mine is colorful, but not THAT colorful! You win!

  13. You'd think it was a MONDAY.

  14. "So I clear my throat in that "let's both just acknowledge that you're an asshole" way..."

    I have never wanted to hang out with you more. Swoon.