Grady wakes up at 1am for a snack pretty consistently. Sometimes it's a little bit earlier, sometimes it's a little bit later, but the nights with no wakeup are few and far between.
Shawn has conditioned himself to sleep through this nightly occurrence. It didn't take him long to train his body to tune out Grady's hungry whine. I don't begrudge him this ability. It is what it is. He needs to get up early to go to work. He lacks the necessary equipment to satisfy Grady's need for milk. It's fine. It's logical.
I have a wonky thyroid. Every so often I have an ultrasound so my doctor can monitor what's happening. My last ultrasound was a few weeks ago. We've now moved from the monitor stage to the biopsy stage. I knew it was a possibility. It's not a surprise. It's not even scary in the light of day - it's just a nuisance. A stupid procedure that will require scheduling and childcare and deep breathing.
But at 1am? When Grady wakes up because he's hungry and Shawn is snoring away? My mind starts to wander and I worry about what would happen if my stupid wonky thyroid turns out to be more than just a nuisance. Will Grady scream for his 1am snack? Will he stop waking up because his cries go unanswered? I mean, probably Shawn would become more attuned to Grady's needs because he wouldn't have the luxury of tuning Grady out, but there would be an adjustment period and I worry that Grady would feel abandoned.
I know this is ridiculous. I know that my wonky thyroid is still just a wonky thyroid and there's no need for panic. But I can't help but go there at 1am when my sweet boy is looking for a little comfort.
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I don't know if this will be reassuring, because just because something works in one situation doesn't mean it will work in anyone else's situation. But here is what happened at my house. When Rob was a baby, Paul would sleep RIGHT THROUGH---even if Rob cried for an hour or whatever. When William was born, William was my nighttime responsibility and Rob became Paul's nighttime responsibility. Almost immediately, Paul began waking to Rob's cries---but still sleeping through William's. And what amazed me was that _I_ started sleeping through Rob's. It really does seem based on necessity, just like we can sleep through the clanky furnace but not if something clanks against the bulkhead door outside.
ReplyDeleteI do seem to remember the transition requiring a few times of me kicking Paul awake (far fewer than I'd expected). But there would be an available adjustment period with all the scary-diagnosis/outcome situations. And if it were sudden (car accident type of thing), I doubt Shawn would be sleeping soundly at all.
Just a note to say I'm thinking of you and sending love. <3
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to worry. Sending you love and hugs!!
ReplyDeleteI think it's totally normal to wonder what would happen if the "if" scenario played out. I'm just impressed you have such complete thoughts at 1 in the morning.
ReplyDeleteDude. *BIG HUG* The worries always suck. You are not alone in them. And I know you will be okay. xo
ReplyDeleteAre you doing the fine needle biopsy for your thyroid? I had a lump on my thyroid which is what made it wonky for me, so I've been through the whole journey of ultra sounds, fine needle biopsy, surgery, cancer, more surgery, radioactive iodine therapy, thyroid replacement pills, the works. Not sure if you are going through the same thing or not, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Hopefully everything will be OK with you.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know this was going on -- love you, lady. OX!
ReplyDelete