Monday 19 November 2012

All My Life Things Change

I turned 30 last month. I wore a too-short dress with too-high heels. I painted my lips bright red and drank French 75s. She changed her flight and flew home early, staying awake for 26 hours straight so that she could wish me a happy birthday - in person - on my real birthday.

My birthday was big and momentous and I was expecting to feel so different afterward. And I guess, in a way, I did. I left my twenties behind. I can relax now.

I spent the first few years of my twenties treating people poorly. Not out of malice, just out of laziness really. I didn't have to be nice or make an effort because I was young and cute and I got away with a lot. Then I moved to England and I was alone - really alone - for the first time in my entire life. I learned a lot about myself. I met amazing people and saw amazing things and when I moved back to Canada in my mid-twenties I was a different person.

My mid-to-late twenties were spent in a whirlwind of trying to do this before I turned 30 or trying to achieve that while I was still young. It wasn't a bad thing. I accomplished a lot. I just look back now and realize that I never really took the time to enjoy my accomplishments. I was always planning the next big thing. I consumed my achievements. Chewed them up and spat them out. There was no time to savour what I'd done because I was already knee-deep in my next endeavour.

I'm 30. I left my job three months ago. I left my high-paying, benefits-included job three months ago. I spend my days cutting oranges into bite-sized pieces and changing diapers and worrying about money. Twenty-five year old me would roll her eyes at today's me. And I'm okay with that. If there's one thing that becoming Grady's mom has taught me it's that things change. All the time. Today sucks? Well maybe tomorrow won't. Grady woke up 15 times last night? Maybe next week he'll sleep through the night. Breastfeeding makes you curl your toes with pain and tears run down your face? Maybe tomorrow you won't feel a thing.

I expected to turn 30 and wake up the next day feeling different. It actually took until I was 30 plus a month and a couple of days but it happened. I am 30 and I spent the weekend surrounded by amazing women, learning amazing things, and my life will be forever changed. I am training to become a doula. I know what I want to be when I grow up. And I am so happy.

26 comments:

  1. That's fantastic! What a great career path. :-) I'm happy for you. The 30's have been so good to me. I hope the same for you, sweet lady.

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  2. So proud and excited for you! That is fantastic. Keep us all posted along the way :-)

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  3. Oh, yay! My friend Jen (not Mrs. Wilson) in Saskatchewan did the same thing. She LOVES it.

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  4. Spewing out some tears on this post. So proud of you, Hillary.

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  5. A doula!!! Love it! My new life goal is to be a lactation consultant. It is a ton of schooling and training though, so it is a goal for a few years in the future.

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  6. I nearly cried reading this. I wish I could give you the biggest high-five right now. Oh, Hillary. You are going to be the best at this.

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  7. Yes! 100 times yes! What an exciting adventure. So proud of you for finding your path.

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  8. I have been waiting anxiously to read this post since your tweets this weekend. I literally clapped my hands with joy when I read through to the end! What a wonderful, exciting development!

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  9. REALLY???? THAT IS SO AWESOME!!!!! I've thought about doing this, but I'm afraid of people and it would involve working with people and ... yea. But I think (and BELIEVE) that this world needs more doulas. A lot more doulas. So excited for you!!! (I love birth. It's pretty much the best thing EVER.)

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  10. Oh, that is SO cool! Congratulations!! I'm so happy you've found the right thing for you. Wishing you all the best in this - you will be amazing!

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  11. I AM ALL CAPS EXCITED FOR YOU!!!! I have a good friend who did this recently and she absolutely loves it. She lives in LA. Let me know if you'd like me to put you in touch with her about the process, etc.

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  12. That's so awesome! I'm so happy you have found what you want to do! It will be so amazing for you, I can feel it! :)

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  13. Hillary my hunny bunny! I love this post. That is fantastic! I loved loved loved my doula. She calmed me and made me feel much more confident in what was for me a very daunting situation. It's an amazing profession.

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  14. Oh that is so, so, so awesome! I'm so excited for you!

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  15. Fantastic! Can't wait to hear more about it!

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  16. That is INCREDIBLE/AWESOME/EXCITING holy cow!!! Also SO COOL. You are so cool. I can't wait to hear more!!

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  17. That is awesome. What a good head space to be in.

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  18. So exciting! I'm so glad you found something you're excited about, it can be really hard! And turning 30 is a wickedly fun and momentous time! Good for you for doing this! Yeah!

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  19. hurrah! so excited for you and your new adventure hillary! the best!

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  20. This is so exciting! It's awesome when you realize what you want to be when you grow up and even better that it's something that's going to help so many mamas and babies. Good luck!!

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  21. GO. YOU.

    (This is the raddest!)

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  22. How very exciting!!! Congrats Hillary!

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  23. Good luck with your doula training! My mom used to be one and I'm still a bit in awe of her for it. That is some damn challenging and rewarding work. Happy birthday!

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  24. Sorry I'm so behind here.
    Dude, that is so awesomely exciting, good luck and I hope you love it!

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