Wednesday 1 September 2010

When I Was A Young Girl I Used To Drink Ale

This is Barney with his greyhound Tara. Tara was a racing dog. Barney rescued her after she could no longer race. Every day Barney and Tara would sit in the pub and drink beer (ale was his first choice but he'd settle for a Guinness if he didn't like the ale on tap.) Barney would buy a package of pork scratchings and toss them down to Tara as he sipped his beer and told his stories. Barney had the best stories. He told tales of the war and of his Italian girlfriend who he had to leave behind when he was shipped back to England. He would talk of his (British) sweetheart and the life they had and the children they raised before she was taken from him by a faulty vessel in her brain. Barney was a bit of a ladies' man. You could tell from the twinkle in his eye.

The pub was never very busy during the lunch hour so even though I was the only one working, I could sit and listen to Barney talk. Half of the time I had no idea what he was saying; his accent was thick and his voice was muffled and too much drink made his tongue thick. I didn't mind, though. I just loved to listen to him.

I left England five years ago and have only been back to visit once. I used to phone Barney every Sunday but it became too difficult; his hearing was failing and he would get frustrated and emotional and I couldn't stand to hear him upset. I resorted to sending him cards and letters, telling myself I would send something at least once a week. Once a week became once a month and then once a month shamefully became a few times a year.

When Shawn and I got married, I told Barney of our plan to honeymoon in England and Ireland. In every letter he sent me he would ask when I was coming back to England and every time I answered that I was coming back "soon." Our honeymoon got pushed back to 2009, then 2010, and then, far past the point of it being even remotely acceptable to call it a honeymoon, we decided on April 2011. We've been talking and planning for weeks now, trying to figure out a way to make our trip happen. I have been so excited to tell Barney that we weren't going to visit "soon" but had a definite date.

Tonight I found out that Barney was admitted to the hospital last week with kidney failure and passed away. He lived a good, long life and spent his later years lonely and in pain. I know that he is at peace now, or rather I tell myself that he is at peace now, but selfishly I feel sad. Barney was a dear, sweet man and my life was made better because it included him. I just wish that I had managed to make it back to England to see him one last time.

29 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that he passed away before you could head back - but I bet he'd still be thrilled that you're returning all the same. x

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  2. I'm so sorry honey, I know it's hard when chances are taken. *HUG*

    You have to know that his life was better for you having been in it as well.

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  3. I'm so sorry honey, I know it's hard when chances are taken. *HUG*

    You have to know that his life was better for you having been in it as well.

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  4. RIP Barny, this post had me in tears remember the books he wrote...
    hills, you were amazing to him - amazing - you were huge in his life - never forget that xxxxxx

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  5. So sorry for your loss, but it is heart warming to hear of the relationship you two had. I'm sure you made his world brighter just by listening and appreciating him.

    (Stella is precious as well...and yes, my puggle is completely nutty,especially right after she gets a bath, but she is so much fun!)

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  6. Oh, I'm so sorry. He really sounds like he was a lovely man.

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  7. Aw, I'm sorry. You should go back to England and drink extra ale (or Guinness) for him. :-)

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  8. Oh my gosh, that's so heartbreaking. It sounds like you had a really special relationship with him. I'm so sorry <3

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  9. Oh lady I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you. And I'm pretty sure he is in a much better place.

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  10. Oh, my! My thoughts are with you. I know it's hard to loose a friend, but you're lucky to have so many of his wonderful stories. By sharing him with us, you keep his spirit and memory alive!

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  11. Hugs to you. I'll be excited about your European honeymoon in a more appropriate post. ;)

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  12. Great story, Hillary. I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to go back and see him, but I'm sure he knew how much you cared for him. xo

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  13. Awww, honey, I'm so sorry. You know, I think Barney lit up every time you were in touch with him. And even if he won't be there in body when you visit England next year, he'll most definitely be there in spirit.

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  14. Oh Hillary, I'm so sorry- this is heartbreaking! It sounds like maybe you should go to the pub and have a drink for him when you're in England next spring <3

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  15. What a blessing to have known him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope he is now at peace and with his beloved.

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  16. Sending hugs. That's very sad.
    It's so hard, but just remember, he's better off for knowing you in the first place - you touched his life in wonderful way.

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  17. I'm so sorry to hear that Barney passed away before you and Shawn could get over to visit. You guys definitely need to stop by the pub while you are there and have a pint in his honor.

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  18. You wrote this beautifully and it was all I could muster not to burst into tears at work.

    I'm sorry for your loss.

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  19. Oh, Hills. I'm so rorry.

    Hugs, lady.

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  20. I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to visit with him before he passed away. He seems like such a special man. Thinking of you . . .

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  21. oh hillary, i'm so sorry you didn't get to see him one last time. i think he'd still really like it that you're going back to England, though. hugs hugs hugs.

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  22. {{{Hills}}}

    What a great relationship you guys had, and what a wonderful man. I'm sorry you didn't get to see him again before he died, but I know he knew how much you cared for him.

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  23. Aww, Sweets, I saw your Tweet about missing England even more, never realized what it was about though :(
    Barney sounds like a very special guy, you're lucky to have spent the time with him that you did. And I'm sure he understands why you hadn't made it back, and still appreciated your cards and letters!
    Hugs.

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  24. This is such a nice post. So sorry you didn't make it back to see him.

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  26. I'm so sorry to hear your dear friend passed away. That's terrible. Barney sounds like such a wonderful guy. I love that he would take his dog to the bar with him. He sounds like quite the character! And that picture is great. I know he thought you were a really wonderful friend too. xoxo

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  27. So sorry to hear about your friend. At least you kept in touch, and he knew that you wanted to see him. xoxo

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  28. Late with this, but I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your friend, Hillary. He was lucky to have known you. And you were lucky to have known him, from the sounds of it. *hugs*

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  29. Oh hun. This is why I should stop reading blogs weeks after they are posted. :/ My heart reaches out to you. Much like everyone else has said, the wonderful part is that you played a role in his life, even from afar, and he and you are able to share that connection and those memories <3

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