I want to write about sunshine and barbecues and hikes with the puppies and days at the beach. I want to write about the fun that I'm having with Shawn and the big plans we have for our second anniversary in just a few weeks. I want to write about summer and watermelon smiles and sangria nights but I can't because all of those things exist only in the corner of my brain labelled "what summer should be" and not in the corner of my brain labelled "reality: of the stark and cold variety."
I admire people who write about the tough times as well as the bright times but I hesitate to admit it when I am having a dark day (or week, or month, or season as the case may be.) I don't want to be a whiner. I don't want to be negative. I want to throw positivity out into the universe so the universe will bounce some positivity right back at me. Right now I kind of want to punch positivity in the ear, unfortunately. My attempts at positivity have failed and a tantrum is brewing. It's sunny and warm but my eyes are lightning bolts.