Monday, 19 July 2010

We Should Try A Little Harder In The Tedious March Of The Few Every Day's A Different Warning

I want to write about sunshine and barbecues and hikes with the puppies and days at the beach. I want to write about the fun that I'm having with Shawn and the big plans we have for our second anniversary in just a few weeks. I want to write about summer and watermelon smiles and sangria nights but I can't because all of those things exist only in the corner of my brain labelled "what summer should be" and not in the corner of my brain labelled "reality: of the stark and cold variety."

I admire people who write about the tough times as well as the bright times but I hesitate to admit it when I am having a dark day (or week, or month, or season as the case may be.) I don't want to be a whiner. I don't want to be negative. I want to throw positivity out into the universe so the universe will bounce some positivity right back at me. Right now I kind of want to punch positivity in the ear, unfortunately. My attempts at positivity have failed and a tantrum is brewing. It's sunny and warm but my eyes are lightning bolts.


  1. Hm. I get like this. I can't explain it, and can't stop it - it's sort of a packaged deal, all wrapped up together with my sensitivity and anxiety.

    I have little advice, except to tell you that it is okay to admit you sometimes feel negative, I don't think it makes you whiney, I think it makes you real.

    Things that help me: dancing really badly to old music, taking a walk for coffee that I totally don't need, watching reruns of every old Jane Austen remake ever, baking, writing it down and working all that nasty out of my body and onto the computer screen.

    For you, I will hope that the lightning bolts are gone soon.

  2. I'll be honest, I hate reading blogs that are all cheery all the time. I know they are lying, because no one has a perfect life. I like it when people are honest and it makes ME feel less alone with I realize others go through the same struggles. We're here to read about your triumphs and happiness, and we're here to cheer you on through the dark and cold. Thinking about you!

  3. Damn yo, I feel like I'm the opposite. I can't seem to write when things are bright :P

  4. i hope things start getting brighter for you very soon.
    i think we all go through crappy "seasons" least i know i do.

    keep your chin up :)

  5. I feel you, it's been a bad little while...

    I write most times, regardless, but others, I just disappear for days; either way we understand.

  6. I write about the hard/emotional stuff sometimes I think too often. But I usually feel better after I do.

    Hope things look up soon.

  7. We all deal with the hard stuff differently. You gotta do what you gotta do to get through it, you know? I typically choose avoidance as my way of coping. Not the most mature, I know, but it's what I do.

    I hope you're ok. Sending hugs.

  8. Sometimes people deal with things in different ways. That is OK. Your blog is your place. I do hope that you feel better soon.

  9. I think it's hard to write positively all the time, and I think most of us love honesty. I hope you'll just write your heart, and most importantly, that you're feeling better soon.

  10. sending you sunshine from england - that comment alone should make you laugh your ass off... but it is actually sunny over here, maybe you need a holiday... got a sofa with your name on it :O)

  11. You know I'm a big advocate for being real and genuine, and those who turn their backs when you start to write honestly about things not being puppies and rainbows aren't worth worrying about. We care about you, and we'll still be here through the bad as well as the good. Hoping things pick up soon, love <3

  12. Aw, hun. Sending you sunshine and rainbows and hugs. Feel free to fire off some of those lightning bolts.


  13. I know what you mean. I hesitate to write about the dark days as well - mainly because my intention is to vent it out and do away with it, but then it brings in all this unwanted attention. Hope it starts getting brighter for you.

    The writing here is lovely, by the way!

  14. You seem to punch things in the ear and not the gut. Is there a reason? I ask because I assume it may be harder to punch people in the ear if they are taller than you. Are you insanely tall? Is the ear like the thing you see the most? Did you once get punched in the ear?

    Sorry, I know I should be empathizing more but this ear thing fascinates me so much.

    Sorry you had a crappy day. I am hoping it gets better. Oh and don't worry, feel free to whine and rant.

  15. I understand why you don't want to put the bas stuff out there, but it just might be therapeutic to let it all flow. Get it out of your mind and body through your fingers!

  16. Give over to the tantrum, preferably whilst by yourself with LOUD music playing. You might even try to "dance it out."
    I bet you'll feel better.

  17. As soon as I write it, I feel better about it, whatever it might be. Even if I never hit publish.

    And if you write for you, the right people will always read.

  18. Oh, I'm sorry about this hunny bunny. For me it's a relief to write about the bad as well as the good, but if it doesn't make you feel better, then it's clearly not what you should do. I think the big bads are inevitable for people with the huge goods - and I think you're one of those people. It'll pass, but I know it sucks to be in. Hugs to you.

  19. Kate: Yes, exactly. I do feel like it's related to my anxiety. I just don't know why.

    Tia: Thanks, lady. I feel the same way about the blogs I read. I want to get the whole picture, not just the sunny rainbow picture.

    Meg: Everyone's different :)

    Carly: Thanks, lady. It helps to know that everyone goes through the dark days.

    Raven: I think you and I are very similar in certain ways, friend.

    Sizzle: I don't think you write about the tough stuff too often! I feel like you've found the perfect balance.

    Stevie: Thanks, lady :) I'm a big fan of avoidance.

    Jane: Thank you :) I sometimes forget that this little corner of the internet is mine and I can do whatever I want with it.

    Amy: I love reading a blog and feeling like the writer is honest and genuine. I have no idea why I feel that way and then hesitate to be honest and genuine in my own writing.

    Sentiment: I miss England and you and your sofa (and your silly cats who pee on me when I sleep on your sofa!) I will see you again soon, love. I mean it.

    Emily-Jane: Thanks, lady :) I know that you understand.

    Angella: Thank you :) I think I might fire off some lightning bolts!

    Jessica Maria: Thank you! Such a lovely compliment. I know what you mean about unwanted attention. Sometimes I worry that people will think I'm after sympathy or whatever when really I just want to vent to get it out and over with.

    J: In my experience, a punch to the ear is a much better pain delivery system than a punch to the gut. Less padding.

    Tyler: Anything is better than stewing in it :)

    Diana: Thanks, I may just have to try to dance it out. Maybe not at work, though :)

    Shelikespurple: Dude. "And if you write for you, the right people will always read" is one of the smartest things anyone has said to me about blogging. Thank you.

    Lemon Gloria: I am definitely one of those people. High highs and low lows. It's difficult because even though I know that about myself, when I stuck in a low low I feel like it's endless.

  20. Great line -- "It's sunny and warm but my eyes are lightning bolts."

    Like others have already said in the comments, we love you for your honesty, for both your sunshine & lightening bolts.

    I know what you mean when you say that you admire those who write about the tough times but hesitate to be negative. Well, actually my usual response is just not to blog at all, whether positive or negative. I have so many ideas and posts ... but yeah, no time. Although I'm not really doing anything. Uh, playing with the dog? I've only blogged 14 times in 2010. OOops. I guess another issue is that some things I may want to be "real" about are, as you say "unbloggable family shite." Sooo yeah.

    oops. longest comment ever! It's kind of silly when people apologize for leaving long comments because -- hello! who doesn't like comments!? But I'm thinking this comment is just going to look ridiculous. Oh wellz!