Makes Me Want To Be A Little Stronger Still I See Monsters

The monster on the left has a penchant for shoes - the more expensive the better, while the monster on the right prefers cotton sheets for his chewing enjoyment.

Girl monster is happiest when rolling in the smelliest, dirtiest thing she can find (spoilt milk, dead worms, stinky beach sand.) Boy monster is happiest when curled up in your lap, whether your lap is available for cuddling or not (this is a dog that routinely jumps up onto unsuspecting sitting-on-the-toilet laps.) (Because you can't close the bathroom door if you're the only human home - he gets too lonely and whines and cries and sticks his little puppy paws under the door to try to reach you and one day his little puppy paws will get stuck under the door and then what will you do?)
Stinky likes to curl up under the covers and rest her head on cold toes. Winky can only handle about five minutes under the covers before he reaches his boiling point and claws his way out, gasping for air, and dramatically flops on his side and sighs.
They love snacking on carrots, apples, peppers, cheese and berries but cucumbers are their favourite. They will cut you for cucumbers.

They bark at animals on the tv. I know I should discourage this behaviour but it's ridiculous and hilarious to see them all riled up and shouty at the Telus hippopotamus.

They are not baby substitutes; I do not have an aching maternal void that I attempt to fill with furry ears and belly rubs and snuffly noses. They are my crazy, adorable, monsterpups. I probably like them more than I like most people. I'm not sorry.