I Have Friends In High Places And I'm Upgraded Daily All My Wires Without Traces Hooked Into Machine

For the last 2 weeks I have slept with a breathing machine strapped to my face as part of the sleep study / respiratory therapy I'm involved in to try to sort out my sleep disorder. The breathing machine is a full-face mask that straps around my forehead and neck and has a long tube coming out the front that connects to a pump. Air is continuously pumped through my nose to prevent my upper-respiratory system from collapsing (the theory being that the structure of my upper-respiratory system collapses, I stop breathing, my blood loses oxygen, I have a seizure, I wake up, I start breathing again.)

For the last 2 weeks I have strapped myself in at bedtime and tried to lay as still as possible to not disturb the mask (if the mask shifts the seal breaks and the pressure drops, so the pump thinks that I've stopped breathing and starts pumping harder which increases the pressure in the mask and I feel like my face is going to explode. It is not pleasant.) I cannot roll over for a snuggle with my husband. Random midnight kisses are no longer a possibility. I lie as still as possible because I'm scared that if I move, I'll break the machine (it costs $3,000 and my insurance won't even look at my claim until I'm actually diagnosed so the machine is on loan to me to see if it helps me sleep better - ha!) Bedtime has become very clinical and very stressful (and frustrating as I've used the machine every night for the last two weeks and have still had two seizures, THANKS BREATHING MACHINE! YOU'VE BEEN VERY HELPFUL!)

So I'm not surprised that I've been sad and blue is what I'm saying. My unshakable funk is understandable. The good thing is that I'm halfway finished with my 30-day test. In two weeks I will be done and I will (hopefully) be able to return the (unbroken - fingers crossed!) breathing machine and life will return to normal. If my normal includes seizures when I sleep, well that's just something I will have to accept. Two weeks cannot come soon enough (just ask Shawn - poor guy has been sleeping next to Darth Vader for the last two weeks.)