Thursday 4 April 2013

Baseball

What started off as a marble-sized nodule is now a baseball-sized mass in my neck. It doesn't protrude (small mercy) (I'm vain) but instead grows inwards. Three of the four main types of thyroid cancer have been ruled out. I am left with either a benign lump that needs to be removed before it damages the structure of my throat, or a very treatable form of thyroid cancer. It could be a lot worse is what I'm saying.

I met my surgeon yesterday. He was like a cross between Sheldon Cooper and Gregory House. I have a soft spot for awkward people. I wasn't put off at all, not even when he referred to me as a "girl" numerous times (it's one of my triggers - being called a girl makes me feel like I'm being chastised or belittled. I stopped being a girl a long time ago, thanks.)

I don't know when my surgery will be. I'll get a call and then two weeks later I'll have my surgery. It could be in a month. It could be in six months (I'm not complaining about my "free" Canadian healthcare but look, there's room for improvement, okay?) I feel like my life is on hold. Do Shawn and I go ahead and book our anniversary trip? Do we plan a big party for Grady's birthday? Does Shawn put the money down for his stupid annual stupid boys' stupid May long weekend trip? (I'm going to go with "no" on that last one.)

I'm feeling very twisty right now. It's good to have a plan. I always do better with a clear course of action. I just don't want this particular course of action. I want my wonky baseball thyroid to be gone, I just don't want to have surgery.


14 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear you're going through this...I am sending positive thoughts that it's benign. I had a benign cyst removed from my thyroid when I was 16 that was the size of a lemon. I have just a sliver of my thyroid left, but was able to go without having to be on medication to keep it regulating things. No surgery is good surgery but I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you. And hopefully they will give you a firm date for it soon, I would be the same way if I had to wait around not knowing when it would be.

    ReplyDelete
  2. House would have known the word "girl" annoyed you before he even said it ... or might have put it down as a symptom. :-)

    I'm sorry you have to have surgery. I am happy that it probably won't cost you $20,000 to have it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so sorry to hear about this. Even if it could be worse, it still sucks. I hope you can have a successful surgery soon and get on with your life.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would carry on and plan things. Nobody - I mean NOBODY - will hold anything against you for having to cancel at the last minute due to getting a call for surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I second Shannon.

    And I'm sorry you have to wait. That's so hard. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh man, BASEBALL?! Here's hoping they can get you in soon for your piece if mind. xo

    ReplyDelete
  7. As someone who has recently had to deal with surgeries, I get not wanting to have them. What I learned during my ordeal was that it was WAY worse in my mind than in actuality. Did that make me less afraid? Well, a little, on the second surgery. But the fear is normal and the wondering what to do- carry on as you were or holding back on making plans- is also normal. The one big thing I took away from my cancer summer was that life is to be lived now, not later. Things will always get in the way of plans but if we don't spend our time and energy on living, on being in the joy, on surrounding ourselves with good people who love us, we're wasting what time we've been given. I know you're going to come through this stronger and healthier than ever. I'm sorry for your waiting and worrying. It's not fun at all and I sympathize.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm sorry to hear about this baseball situation, but glad it is treatable. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
    I had a rare type of nerve tumor in my arm that got beyond golf-ball size, but not baseball size. It was quite noticeable though. It was so relieving to get it out.
    If you want my two cents about your planning, read on: plan that birthday party and when you call to book your anniversary trip, book directly and ask if you should have to go in for this surgery, could you call to push back your reservation a few months. You can usually push back a reservation two weeks in advance, no problem. The manventure weekend depends on other people's schedules, so declining that is probably sensible.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well this sucks :( But scars are cool, right?

    Health scares don't wait for you, so you should wait for them. Plan ahead. It will be nice to have something to look forward to :)

    The surgery was way scarier in my head then it was in real life. The worst part was that the T3s upset my stomach and considering my stomach had nothing to do with the surgery, that's not too bad. Get some of those Rub A5-35 medicated heating pads. I tended to hold my head and neck very still (for fear of messing up my stitches, which in actual fact were at my collar bone so there was no need to worry) and they helped to relieve some of the stress on my back neck/shoulders.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well I'm sorry to hear that you have to have surgery. But at least no matter what it is it seems to be very treatable. That is pretty good silver lining when the word cancer is thrown around. As always I'll be sending you my good thoughts and everyone is right, just plan ahead. LIve your life, don't put everything on hold for a call you when you don't know when it will come. Xo. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  11. I wish I had some words of wisdom to share, but all I can say is that I'm sure you are in excellent hands and you've got a massive support network who is here to help you through it! My thoughts are with you, friend.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I've always been surprised that the words that make most of us twisty (cancer, surgery, etc.) also involve lots of waiting - even here in the US. I remember when my grandfather had lung cancer and they'd go months between appointments. I wanted to shout, "WAIT! HE HAS CANCER. HE NEEDS TREATMENT NOW." But, that's just not how medicine works - seems so counter intuitive. I say if having good plans to look forward to keeps you sane, then you should continue planning out your life. And should this surgery interfere with any of those plans, you just cross that bridge when you come to it. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm sorry to hear you need surgery. Personally I've only had one health situation that involved waiting and I too was irritated it took so long...who wouldn't be?! Sending good vibes your way!

    ReplyDelete
  14. oh friend i'm so sorry. i'll send you some healthy vibes and loving vines and ehugs and virtual rainbows. i can only imagine how unnerving all the unknowing is and hopeflly you find things out soon and can start moving forward. and don't ever forget that we're all here for you. xo

    ReplyDelete