Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Star Wars. No Really, I Get There Eventually.

I broke 2 ribs a few months ago. I was goofing around with Shawn and he was all "Dirty Dancing!" and I was all "the fuuuck?" and then he tried to lift me over his head but I panicked (because I've never seen Dirty Dancing) and I twisted awkwardly and 2 ribs snapped.

A few things:

Yes, really, I've never seen Dirty Dancing. We weren't allowed to watch a lot of tv when we were growing up. I had seen maybe half a dozen movies by the time I hit 13 years old. Our (only) television had faux wood panelling on the sides and no remote control until my grandparents took pity on us kids and bought us a "real" tv in the mid-90s.

No, Shawn didn't punch / hit / shove me. My bones are pretty small to begin with and I'm breastfeeding and osteoporosis runs in my family - it just happened and it *is* weird that the ribs broke just from being lifted awkwardly but they did. I don't know what to tell you.

Anyway. The ribs broke. I didn't go to the doctor for 10 days because I was worried they'd think I injured myself in some crazy sex accident. Which totally happens, by the way. Not to me (knock on wood) but to other people. When I lived in England there was this C-list celebrity who experienced a surge in popularity after she almost DIED because she caught some weird lung infection after she broke a rib during a sex accident.

So I didn't go to the doctor and then one morning I woke up and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't lift Grady so I went to the emergency room. The emergency room doctor was a total babe. He was kind of like an Anderson Cooper / tall Jon Stewart silver fox blend and he totally rolled his eyes at an annoying patient and called him an ass when he was out of earshot. I loved him.

He was examining my ribs and asking me how it happened and I got all flustered because a: he was a total babe and b: I had already had the "does your husband hit you?" conversation with the triage nurse. So I started trying to describe the Dirty Dancing lift move, having never seen Dirty Dancing. It was so bizarre and cringe-worthy and just laughably mortifying.

Some good did come from the situation though. I decided to finally watch all the movies I missed growing up. It's a daunting task (especially for someone who doesn't really like movies) but I'm up for the challenge. In the last two weeks I've watched all three of the original Star Wars movies. Pop culture is starting to make sense to me. Dudes, I understood this week's Parks & Rec.

But now I can't stop thinking about Star Wars. Have you guys seen these movies? What the eff is with this "The Force" business? You just know stuff because of The Force? Why didn't The Force tell you whatshername was your sister before you kissed her? And don't even get me started on the dead Ewoks. Shawn warned me that I wasn't emotionally ready for the third movie and I should have listened to him. I was not prepared to see dead Ewoks. Ewoks are like toddlers. Cute, cuddly toddlers who wrap their arms around your neck as tightly as possible and yell, "squeeeeeeze" in your ear, not the toddlers who scream holy hell and cry real tears for half an hour because you put the juice in the blue cup instead of the green cup.

So. I can't sleep. Broken ribs suck. I still haven't watched Dirty Dancing. Star Wars is blowing my mind. I want an Ewok.

What movie should I watch next? Suggest anything - there's, like, a 95% chance I haven't seen it yet.


  1. Blues Brothers? Animal House? War Games?

    And stop with the freaky sex - that shit will kill you. ;-)

    I hope you feel better soon and tell Shawn he's just one phone call away from ending up in jail. ;-)

  2. Our dog Zoey looks like an Ewok - I hate that scene too.

    Have you seen the Karate Kid movies? Goonies?

  3. Dude. The Goonies and The Princess Bride. STAT

  4. Ha! Love it!!!! Go with the sex story, that's just awesome :)
    Goonies for sure - Stand by me (though most people know the story, kinda depressing, but good) - anything Molly Ringwald starring. Um...Ghostbusters. The original, the second kinda sucked. Princess Bride, totally - so quoted.
    FERRIS BUELLERS day off. Seriously. Insanely fun. All Die Hard. I just googled 80's movies. I'm sure you've seen a lot of the 90's.

  5. I haven't seen the original star wars since I was kid. We had them all on VHS and I would constantly watch the scenes with the Ewoks over and over (not the one where they died, the other scenes). I even had an Ewok lunch pail.

    When I was little one of my favorite movies was The Labyrinth. Well, it still is one of my favorite movies and I can nearly quote it all by heart at this point. That and any Disney princess movie. I was a weird kid.

  6. I've thought of more! The Neverending Story, muppets take manhattan, Dark Crystal, Trading Places, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Beverly Hills Cop, Young Frankenstein, Clue, The Big Chill... I'll keep adding as I think of them.

  7. Oh man. We love Star Wars. The prequels aren't as good as the original three, but they're ok. Also, have you seen any Indiana Jones movies? Watch them all. Then all the Die Hards. And A Few Good Men. And GI Jane. And the Goonies. And Princess Bride, as mentioned already, will also help you a lot with pulp culture references. Oh! And Dead Poet's Society.

    I didn't watch Dirty Dancing until a few years ago. Totally loved it.

  8. Ewoks are seriously the cutest little furballs. Love it. But boo to broken ribs, hope it heals quickly! Do they heal quickly? I have no idea.

    As for movie watching I suggest Sixteen Candles, Adventures in Babysitting & Breakfast Club :)

  9. YES, Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Sixteen Candles. When I was really young we watched Troop Beverly Hills, not sure how tolerable that would be now.

    Also, my mom for some reason thought it appropriate to show serious dramas to little kids so I grew up watching (and LOVING) Beaches, Terms of Endearment, and Kramer vs. Kramer.

  10. p.s. I usually comment as Frugal Vegan Mom, it wouldn't let me for some reason

  11. More! Fried Green Tomatoes, Steel Magnolias, Mrs. Doubtfire.

  12. I too have a little dog when he gets all shaggy just before taking him to the groomer's that he looks like a little Ewok. I haven't seen that Star Wars one you mentioned about the dead Ewoks so I won't see it because I love my cuddly little guy.

    Oh, and The Sandlot, it's a must!

  13. This is a hilarious post. I can't help but have a giggle even though it really sucks to have broken ribs...but what a great story.

  14. I relate to this. People are always making movie references and I'm like "I don't know what that is" and their jaw drops and they're like, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN __________?! Two that I recently watched and felt like the last person on earth to see were Pulp Fiction and Sleepless In Seattle.

  15. Indiana Jones - ALL OF THEM
    August Rush - it's amazingly beautiful