Monday, 25 February 2013

Ignorance Is Bliss

So I had the scary biopsy and I waited anxiously for the results and then I got the results - good results! - and everything was fine and dandy.

Except that it wasn't exactly fine and dandy. I just didn't know any better.

I met with the endocrinologist last week. I was expecting her to tell me we'd monitor my wonky thyroid. I was not expecting her to tell me I needed to have every single test (including the biopsy!) repeated.

It's kind of a long (boring) story but basically what it boils down to is this: I thought the good biopsy results meant no cancer but what they really mean is I don't have the most common type of cancer. The endocrinologist is concerned about a few things so she wants to rule out the second-most and third-most common types of thyroid cancer before giving me the all-clear. (And if I do get the all-clear for the cancers, we still have to figure out what's going on and what the treatment plan will be.)

I don't mean to sound grim. She was very blunt and forthcoming (which I appreciate! I do!) but in a reassuring way. Like, she scared the crap out of me but at least she didn't tell me that thyroid cancer is "the cancer to have." (Actual thing that was said to me during the last round of testing. Actually, sir, NO cancer is the cancer to have. Fuck you very much.)

I'm getting a bit cancery here, I know. It's entirely possible that my wonky thyroid is not cancerous. There is a very good chance that it is not cancerous. I just ... I go there. When something scary or slightly bad happens I go to the worst possible place. I think it's a coping mechanism. If I'm expecting the absolute worst I won't be surprised when it happens.

I didn't say it was a healthy coping mechanism. Probably it's healthier than my other coping mechanism of eating all the things. Get ready for a lot of Instagrammed shots of cupcakes in the coming weeks is what I'm saying.


  1. You said it: the best kind of cancer is NO cancer. I know it's SUPER hard to do and WAY easier said than done, but you and your doctor just don't know what it is yet so it's best not to jump to conclusions before getting test results back.

    My mom actually had to have her thyroid taken out, but not because of cancer. It was essentially VERY wonky and causing lots of problems so out it came (this was waaaaay back).

    Whatever it is, you can handle this and get through it.

    If I could, I'd send you a daily cupcake.

    Lots and lots of hugs xoxo

  2. You're very right: no cancer is the cancer to have. My mom's been battling cancer for 10 years & a few times while listening to dr's I've thought, "really?! did that just come out of your mouth?" I honestly think they just run out of things to say & just want you to stay positive.
    You may want to check out if you haven't already. She went through thyroid cancer while pregnant with her 1st babe and I'm sure you could email her as well. If anything she's HILARIOUS and her blog(& adorable 3 kiddos) will help raise your spirits. It always works for me :)

  3. Big hugs, Hills. Matthew's coping mechanism is just like yours, and I'm the opposite. I believe that it will all work out and until we get confirmation of that, I'm praying for you guys. xo

  4. Of course you go there! Cancer! Plague! Consumption! Flood! Who doesn't? I'm so sorry for all the scary news, hunny bunny. Big hugs to you. Sending you strength and calmness. No cancer! NO cancer!

  5. I have the same coping mechanism. I know how I would be feeling with all of this so I can imagine somewhat what you might be feeling. I'm sending you all the good thoughts! And internet hugs! And maybe real hugs because I want to go back to Vancouver this summer, not that that has anything to do with anything but now I'm just rambling all over your blog.

  6. When there is even the hint of cancer, it's so normal to go to the terrible place. It's scary! Your feelings are totally normal and valid and this all sucks. I'm hoping for an easy solution and, obviously, no cancer.

  7. Ugh. I'm so sorry you're back to worrying again, this sounds incredibly stressful and scary. I'm going to be sending lots of positive vibes for a healthy thyroid and peaceful thoughts until you're in the clear.

  8. You can't help what's a very normal reaction to the C word. But, you can use it as an excuse to live a little more in the moment and hug those beautiful boys of yours just a little more. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.

  9. I wanted to punch every single person in the face who told me "at least you have the good cancer!". Right, because there is such a thing.

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you. I'm sorry this drama is being dragged out :(

  10. Thinking of you lots - and you WILL be getting a care package from me. This drag-out nonsense if for the birds and I hope you're able to disconnect from the worry more often than not. Stateside hugs to you and yours.