Wednesday, 18 April 2012

When You Find Your Way Back Down In One Piece

So I wrote my last post about flailing and being miserable and then a few days later my dog died and I got a 20% salary decrease at work. Fun times.

It's actually helped me put things into perspective, though.

I don't really talk about work much (besides my ranting on Twitter) but I've been with my current employer for 6.5 years. I've been unhappy for quite some time but I'm paid extremely well to put up with a lot of bullshit. The salary thing is complicated (they didn't just arbitrarily cut my pay) but it's helped me see things more clearly. I'm looking for a new job and I'm excited to take my time and really find a good fit instead of relying solely on a large pay cheque to make up for stress / anxiety / bullying etc.

As for old Toby, he was a good pup who lived a long life. We brought him home when I was an angsty teenager and he lived to meet (and love) my two monsterpups and my boy. His health has been declining for the last year and the decline started progressing much more rapidly a few weeks ago. It wasn't a surprise is what I'm saying. It's silly but his passing is affecting me more than my Gram's passing back in October. Not in the degree of sadness - I'm not more sad about Toby than I am about Gram - but in the sense that it's making me acknowledge that life is short and I can't just float along aimlessly. Most likely it's because my grandma was old when I was born so she's always been old to me. I remember when we brought Toby home and he was just a cuddly little pup who fit on my lap. I won't get all circle of life here but witnessing his life and watching him grow into the crotchety old dog he was at the end has truly been beneficial to me.


So no money, dead dog - things aren't peachy but I'm trying to get there.

14 comments:

  1. Oh, hunny bunny. I'm so very sorry. That's a hard combination, particularly when you're already struggling. But I think you are so right about perspective. You've been trying to figure out what to do about your big paycheck job for a while now - and now it's kind of sorted out for you - you have impetus to find something you like. As for your dog - letting go of people and dogs you love is always terrible. Big hugs to you.

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    1. Thanks, lady. You're right that I've been struggling with the job thing for a while. The pay cut is almost a relief - the decision has been made for me.

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  2. I'm so sorry about Toby. It's so startling to see someone's whole entire life go by like that.

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    1. Startling is a good word to use. It is startling! He was a tiny little puffball and now he's gone.

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  3. That's brutal. I'm sorry to hear about your job seeing as I am also paid well to deal with bullshit etc as well (though I love the main core I work with, so that helps a TON), and last week I lost my kitty of 16 years. I wrote about it in my blog and had a pic on my facebook, but I can't tell you how much I'm not looking forward to going home this weekend and not seeing her meet me at the door.
    Just know that there are people out there who understand, who care and who wish you well.
    I'm so sorry.

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    1. Oh K, I'm sorry about your kitty.

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  4. I'm so sorry Hillary. Losing a dog is so hard. I'm glad you're turning such bad news into something positive though. xx

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    1. Thanks, miss. Dogs really weave themselves into our hearts and souls. I'm sad about Toby but I'm so glad he had a good, long life. xo

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  5. Ouch. Just...ouch. Here's hoping there's more happiness around the corner!

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  6. I'm so sorry about Toby. My horse died in the fall and it was much the same. We got her when I was in grade five and she was teeny tiny. It's weird to witness someone's entire life, from being a little baby to becoming very old, especially when it seems to pass by so fast!

    Good luck with the job search! Hope you find something soon that's a good fit for you and your family.

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  7. oy vey. so sorry about toby :(

    however, i'm glad this gives you a reason to look for a new/better job - you def need to work for someplace that doesn't make you so unhappy!

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  8. Oh boy that is a tough week. I'm sorry to hear about Toby- we have an older dog right now that is starting to have issues and I am not wanting to deal with the future.

    I'm also sorry about your pay decrease. I'm very unhappy at my job as well and need a push to move somewhere else!!

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  9. Oh man. What a rough time. I'm so sorry about the loss of your sweet puppy.

    And the job thing sucks too. I have a friend who likes to say that the universe can try to enforce us to change... and sometimes if we ignore that little feeling that we need to do something DIFFERENT, the universe has to make things extremely uncomfortable for us. I don't know if you buy into that, but sometimes I think about it and it gives me comfort: there's a reason things feel so rotten sometimes; sometimes we have to wallow in the muck to get to the good stuff.

    Okay, I hope that is not coming across as all assy. Really, I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. I hope sunnier days are just around the corner!

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