Today is a 2. Well, maybe a 3. It is Friday and the sun is shining. Throw in a Canucks victory tonight and I might even bump today up to a 4.
Shawn and I had big plans to change our food habits (both in the eating and preparing department.) Big plans that were derailed by one night. One night following a bad day that resulted in both of us feeling cranky and unappreciated. The combination of cranky + unappreciated is a pernicious one, made especially deadly when both of us feel that way. We were both very shouty last night is what I'm saying.
My blog is not a place for me to write a list of Shawn's flaws (because clearly last night was all his fault) (*sarcasm*) but it is a place where I strive for honesty. I read some blogs that are all sunshine! rainbows! unicorns! happyhappyhappy! and I wonder how honest those bloggers are being. I mean, really? You never fight? Everything is always perfect? I'm not judging them I just feel ... inadequate. I'm judging myself, I guess. It's silly. Shawn and I are both fiery people. We fight. We also love each other. It's just hard to remember the love bit when in the midst of a heated discussion about whose turn it is to unload the damn dishwasher (ps: it was his turn. Who ended up unloading it? Me. Who dramatically sighed and huffed her way through the entire process? Also me. I'm not proud.)
Jennie wrote a post this week that really struck a nerve with me. This in particular really made me think: "Every day I want to be better. He may not do the dishes, but he deserves that much from me." Last night I did not try to be better. Last night I fought with gritted teeth and sharp words.
It's difficult, sometimes, to see the big picture. I get tangled up in the here and now and when the here and now is arduous (like it was last night) I tend to think that it will always be arduous. It takes effort to pull myself out of the mire so I don't. I sit and I stew and I prove myself right. It's ridiculous and laborious and if I could think of any more "ous" words I would write them here. Strenuous? Ludicrous? Hilarious? I think it's pretty safe to say that I don't really know where I'm going with this post at this point and I should just stop typing.
Happy Friday, peeps! I hope that your weekend is all happyhappyhappy! with lots of sunshine! rainbows! and unicorns!
PS: Go Canucks!
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Me and Andrew are very yelly and shouty, and sometimes mean. I want to be better, too. I totally relate to both posts. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason that Matthew and I so rarely fight is that he is the exact opposite of fiery. He doesn't raise his voice or ever lose his temper. Which, you know, keeps me in check and makes me discuss things in a calm manner. :)
ReplyDeleteI love that you guys are both so fiery - it keeps things interesting. And you guys always work it out, too. :)
GO CANUCKS!!
I hope your weekend is full of already-unloaded dishwashers and tons of appreciation of each other and lots of puppy snuggles. And maybe a couple unicorn kisses and some rainbow underwear.
ReplyDeleteWe can't always do our best, but I believe we try. Hugs to you, hunny bunny.
We all have our own goals with our blogs. Some people use their blogs to rant rant rant. Others use their blogs to paint roses and lilies and fairies and sparkle. And then there's the rest of us who like a healthy dose of reality, the good and the bad. I appreciate that you're honest and frank in this space. That's why I stick with ya. Even though you cheer for the wrong team. =)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I don't remember if I ever told you that I love how you name posts but it's absolutely brilliant! I mean, I may try and do this from time to time, but you've got a theme going and it's just AWESOME-PANTS!
ReplyDeleteAlso, omg YAY Ben Kweller! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that song. Whoa, tons of caps & exclamations and blah blah blah!
Anyway, yeah I hear ya on the fighting! John and I are good at fighting ... It seems like it goes through spells, sometimes no fighting for days and days and days, and then other times lots of fights! All the time! Grr grr growlie! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that when we took this quiz, we both ended up as eagles?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/848773/personality_test_dove_eagle_peacock.html
Ummm I don't think that link even has the quiz. Just the descriptions ... but yeah, we were both eagles, secondly peacocks ... although I think I'm more of a dove? Or something. At least sometimes. Who knows. But yeah, eagles are good at cawing at each other & putting out their talons! Ummmm yeah, don't know what I'm talking about exactly ... but I've always remembered that quiz I was forced to take back in the day when working at a Bank of America call center.
It's funny how chores can cause so many fights, huh? I'm often the lazy one who can't complete chores though. oops. Trying to be better about this!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
It sounds cheesy, but it's true: Every day is a new day. It can be a new beginning. And by owning up to your part in the shoutyshout, you ARE taking a step forward. And maybe today will be a better day toward being a better person, right?
ReplyDeleteAlso, the food thing? Curry is amazingly simple, and you can make enough for leftovers for lunch the next day!
Oh gosh, I am TOTALLY posting on Monday about something you just hit on. "I read some blogs that are all sunshine! rainbows! unicorns! happyhappyhappy! and I wonder how honest those bloggers are being." And how "not very" is sometimes very much the answer. (can you tell this is something that bothers me?? lol)
ReplyDeleteI admire you for being real :) And I hope you have a better weekend!
I don't generally think of myself as sunshine and rainbows all the time, but I don't write about when we fight or disagree. I guess we just kind of made an agreement a long time ago that we wouldn't make that stuff public to anyone, which includes me writing about it. Luckily, we don't disagree very often and we almost never fight. Not to say that things are always wonderful, but we both work really hard to keep disagreements from getting too big. I have PTSD from growing up with a verbally and emotionally abusive father and I really can't handle loud shoutiness, so we do our best to keep that to a minimum.
ReplyDeleteI think my girlfriend is like Angella's because she is much calmer and less fiery than I am. So, we don't really fight.
ReplyDeleteMust have been something in the air. T and I were shouty yesterday too. Well, mostly me. T doesn't really shout often. And I cry. Shout and cry. Ya, I want to be better too.
ReplyDeleteWe don't fight often, but when we do, look out. We say nasty things and generally act like big babies. We get over it pretty quickly, though, which helps.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's anything wrong with a good fight, but I definitely thing striving to be better each and every day is an excellent way to live life.
PUH-lease! Fighting about the dishwasher?!?!?! Amateurs!
ReplyDeleteThere is only ONE thing important enough to fight about. ONE.
Movie rentals.
Picture this, if you will:
A couple is standing in Blockbuster (Rogers Video, Videotron, take your pick...), each holding two dvd cases, gesturing wildly, shaking the cases at each other and rolling their eyes, as the volume of their voices elevates to a point where it becomes indecent. Much huffing and puffing ensues and said couple finally (after 20 minutes of attempted emotional manipulation, wheedling and bribery on both sides) sulk over to the cash register, having "compromised" on a single selection. They subject the cashier to withering stares and one-word answers, storming out of the store to go and "enjoy" a wondering evening at home. Together. Even though they are no longer speaking to each other.
Now, THAT'S how it's done, dear. In your scenario, you forgot the most important aspect: public humiliation. It's what makes it all so exciting.
I read a book recently where a kid in the story tells her mom that the word "compromise" means when neither arguing party gets what they want.
PS: What is UP with leaving dirty, inside-out socks all over Creation? And who puts the damn juice jug back in the fridge, WHEN IT'S EMPTY? And why oh why can't "SOME PEOPLE" figure out that "SOME OTHER PEOPLE" don't like to be woken up at 6:00 a.m. on the weekends by "SOMEONE" jumping on the bed, shouting "G'MORNING!"?
Ahem. Pardon my rambling. Seems I may need some therapy.
Hillary,
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be gone later this afternoon, can you unload the dishwasher after Mother's day meal for me? Thanks.
You look lovely today.
My husband and I used to fight constantly and have now gotten better. No body is perfect. Don't stress.
ReplyDeletethank-you for sharing. fighting just means your human. just like the rest of us. the important part is the lovin'. love you!
ReplyDeleteps. i love your adult words in this post. do you have dictionary toilet paper?
Your honesty is always something that I've admired. I love how you don't have to be ashamed to admit that you fight and wake up on the wrong side of the bed. And it's true that the dishwasher doesn't unload itself!
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone, my friend. Couples who say they don't have the occasional snippy dishwasher-unloading fights (and the bigger, more substantial versions) are lying. The only reason I don't blog about it is that most of the time? I'm the instigator/most shamefully-behaving one in the argument. Oops.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that helps me a TON is reminding myself that we're on the same side. Sometimes it's all too easy for me to start with the scorekeeping ("I cleaned up the kitchen EVERY NIGHT LAST WEEK!" etc...) -- and this is an even bigger challenge w/ a baby in the house. I have to remind myself that we're both in this together, and it's not me vs. him.
The sunshine and roses bloggers may not be lying (although, come on, they totally are), but they sure aren't the kind of people I want in my corner.
ReplyDeletePeople with real issues and real problems and a drive to do better are fascinating because they are trying. Trying is very, very cool to me.
Also, I'm pretty fiery myself.
I'm with you in the honesty camp, writing about Mister's depression this winter was one of the only ways I got through it!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to stay big picture, but it's the trying that counts in my books =)
It took dating my current husband to realize that I fight very dirty; I'm illogical, 100% emotional, and I set out to win, and often to hurt. I'm trying very hard to control my anger, and I worry a lot that I'm being unreasonable. All I can say is take your time, but when you're done being mad, make sure you give him a big kiss and tell him you love him. Because if you don't, what are you fighting for?
ReplyDelete