Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Now We Both Know Longing How It Gets Under Your Skin But Then I Saw You Making Eyes At Him

When we started planning our Europe trip last year, we thought we'd either go in April or in August. August because we could celebrate our anniversary in Ireland. April because it's not summer break yet so it's easier / cheaper to travel and we could celebrate our friend's 30th birthday in London.

Our friend's birthday was last Sunday and I've spent all morning torturing myself looking at photos on facebook.

I don't resent Willie. Resentment is a waste of time. I just feel a bit achy when I think of my friends and the village that I love. I'm disappointed when I think of the big plans Shawn and I had for this year. And then I feel like an asshole because at the end of all this, I get a baby. A wee little squirmy worm to love.

It's just difficult to remember the wee little squirmy worm part when Turtle is researching for her own upcoming Europe trip and I'm researching the difference between cloth and disposable diapers. Turtle is dreaming of architecture and museums and culture and my mind is occupied by various forms of poop receptacles. It's thrilling, let me assure you.


  1. Yeah, this is tough. I am a traveler by nature, it's in my blood, and while I have managed to keep that part of myself, it ain't easy and it's not like before, no not ever, so it's totally okay to feel this way.

    You'll never regret your boy or wish for Europe over him but you can be happy and still be sad.


  2. I hear you. Our main reason for waiting longer (or maybe deciding never) is that I have never traveled out of the country beyond Canada and Mexico, mostly due to finances. Now that we're more financially stable, I/we need to travel more before we're ready to "settle down."

  3. Someone pointed out to me that even if I'm missing travel now, in the future I'll be able to go visit my kids when they study abroad.

    I've managed to let go of int'l travel dreams and instead am just struggling with not being able to spontaneously run up to the neighborhood bar... the sacrifice IS worth it though =)

  4. See? Kids ruin your life.


    It's OK to feel sad for what you're missing, totally normal and fine and GOOD. Who wants to be a robot who can shut off dreams?

    Hugs, lady.

  5. I'm going away this summer, and have been invited on plenty of trips because I can just take off, without worrying about kids. My best friendy (who has 2 kidlings) was out about a month ago and she got totally emersed in my life for a few days. She stood there at one point and said: wow, enjoy this, really.
    But the second she got home, she had her family and I thought to myself: wow, I can't wait for that.
    Grass is always greener my friend, always :)

  6. Disappointment and envy are tough. And almost impossible to dispel, at least for me.

    Sorry that you are struggling with this right now. I hope it passes quickly.

  7. Many plans can be "spoiled" by our little ones, but think of the doors they'll open for us later in our life. If you want to live life to its fullest, you need to not only live your life, but help our future generations live theirs right too!

    And as far as diapers go, I totally recommend cloth. I'm the father of a 5 month old and I'm convinced we've already saved a ton of money on diapers, though if I did the figuring, I'm not sure we'd be quite there yet... Anyways, I was terribly opposed to the idea, but now that I'm doing it, its far easier than I would have imagined! I recommend checking out and I personally recommend the Fuzzibuns brand! Good luck with poop and planning!

  8. I have friends who traveled to Europe with their infant daughter - said it was one of their most favorite trips. Just saying.

    Also? I've got a lot of cloth diapers I'd be happy to unload to you if interested. Also have a great (and easy) recipe to make your own wipes (if interested). There's lots of info out there, which can be a blessing and a curse. I feel some of your pain.

  9. We always want the opposite of what we've got, don't we? Or at least, it often seems that way.
    It doesn't mean your plans to visit Europe have to be cancelled, but maybe just postponed or altered for awhile?